


Persistence and Patience

by xxMad_Donaxx



Series: Emotions [3]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Anal Sex, Flashbacks, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Previous Anders/Cullen (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-08
Updated: 2012-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-09 11:01:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/454714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders becomes more active in the Mage Underground leaving Fenris alone in the clinic a lot. Fenris has also been trying to find Varania.<br/>Sequel prompt on Kmeme. </p>
<p>The tags may evolve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The last two years had been hard. Fenris felt more at home in the clinic now and the residents of Darktown were used to him being there. Anders had continued to teach him the arts of healing and he did what he could for Anders’ patients while the mage wasn’t there. Which he wasn’t, and hadn’t been since yesterday, Fenris was starting to worry.

He thought over the last two years as he wandered through the empty clinic. Fenris washed the tables and piled dirty linen from the cots and he thought. It had started with Hawke’s mother or maybe the more frequent presence of Templars in Darktown. Perhaps it was both. Fenris frowned and turned to the door of the clinic, wishing Anders would walk through it. 

The death of Hawke’s mother had definitely started something. After the frantic run through Lowtown, following a blood trail, finding shades and demons in the foundry had been disturbing at best and frightening at worst. When they had found Hawke’s mother and killed the Blood Mage responsible Hawke had been near inconsolable. Fenris thought that he, Anders and Varric had done a good job of keeping their own emotions in check. They left Hawke in the company of Merrill, who lived at the Hawke estate now, and they had both managed to stay silent until they reached the safety of the clinic.

Other than Hawke, who was understandably distraught, Anders had been hit the hardest by her death. Not only could he do nothing to save her but the simple fact that Leandra had been killed by a mage, had enraged him beyond anything Fenris had seen. Fenris had barely closed the door of the clinic before he started ranting about Blood Mages undermining his efforts. The tirade ended with Anders flopping back on their bed with the question “What is wrong with this place?” ringing in his ears.

Fenris hadn’t said much even though he’d agreed with at least half of what Anders had said. Knowing that at least two mages were worth fighting for meant there were probably others. Besides Kirkwall, there was a whole country’s worth of bad examples, however. There were strong-willed mages, like Hawke, that could be trusted with complete freedom. There were mages like Anders, kind and helpful, but there seemed to be many more weak, power-hungry or just plain crazy mages that couldn’t be trusted at all.

After they had gone to bed, Fenris was pretty sure neither of them slept, Anders had started weeping. Fenris had expected this. It happened every time Anders lost a patient, though not many of his patients died. It was simply worse because she’d been Hawke’s mother…and he could do nothing.

Strangely enough, it was the Qunari that brought Anders out of the depression he’d fallen into. Fenris remembered that night all too well. Hawke had taken Anders with him to see about another lead on Isabela’s lost relic, which turned out to belong to the Qunari, and then to the compound at the docks. He had been here in the clinic when people from Lowtown and even some from Hightown began pouring in. Fenris had managed to piece together what was happening and left for the keep immediately.

He had arrived just in time to watch Hawke duel the Arishok for possession of Isabela. In full view of all the nobles of Kirkwall, Hawke had killed the Arishok with his magic. He had been grievously wounded however. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Hawke was now a known apostate, Anders also announced his status as a mage by healing Hawke.

It’s true that Anders had never really tried to hide his magic but he was always careful around Templars, the guardsman, or the nobles. Knight-Commander Meredith had proclaimed Hawke the Champion of Kirkwall and he was untouchable. Because Anders had kept their Champion alive, he was also untouchable…sort of.

Anders’ association with Hawke protects him to a certain degree but Meredith knows about two apostates living freely in her city. Hawke is Champion and she can’t lock him away in the Gallows without all the nobles in Kirkwall demanding her head on a spike. Anders however, is just a slightly scruffy mage who lives in Darktown and heals people no one else cares about.

The Templar presence in Darktown had increased before that but after their presence had increased again. The refugees warned them of some patrols and Fenris normally sent Anders up Hawke’s cellar. The key he’d been given had never been returned. Hawke didn’t seem to mind hiding Anders either.

With the Viscount dead and Meredith essentially taking his place, Anders interest in freeing Mages was renewed tenfold. The Blood Mages they ran across in their adventures with Hawke increased and Anders insisted that getting mages out of Kirkwall was better than letting them succumb to the temptations of demons. Fenris had reluctantly agreed. He didn’t think setting them loose in Thedas was necessarily a good idea, but a better idea than leaving them here to be pushed by Meredith into the hands of demons. Or leave them here to be affected by whatever it was in this city that made so many of them turn to Blood Magic.

Fenris wasn’t part of the Mage Underground. His views on the subject were well known despite his ties to Hawke and Anders. He was never asked to go with Anders on any of his secret missions and didn’t really care to either. But it left him here in the clinic, by himself, to worry. The longest his mage had been gone was two days. Fenris had been ready to go find the woman he remembered from the one time he’d been taken with as a child and demand she tell him where Anders had gone.

Anders had walked in just as Fenris was ready to leave, weary but fine. The danger Anders put himself in on behalf of these nameless, faceless mages irritated Fenris. He tried not to let it show however, because that was part of what had attracted him to Anders in the first place…a mage who put others’ safety before his own.

But on these long days and nights when Anders was gone, he couldn’t help but worry and wonder if his mage would return. It had almost been two days since Anders had left this time. Fenris twisted the rag in his hand and paced the length of the clinic. He had to constantly push images of a broken Anders away. Killed by Templars, spiders, lyrium smugglers…the worst one by far was finding him in the Gallows courtyard with that damn sun burned onto his forehead.

Fenris shook his head to clear the hateful image away. He tossed the rag at the dirty bin and turned to get his sword. With his sword sheathed on his back and pulling on his gauntlets, he strode to the door with every intention of finding his mage or to die trying. Before he’d gotten halfway to the clinic door it opened and Anders staggered wearily in. 

He leaned on the closed door with his eyes shut for the moment and Fenris forced himself to look neutral, his ‘slave face’ as Anders would call it. Fenris scanned him quickly for injury and found none. Anders opened his eyes and stood there for a few more minutes. Crossing his arms over his chest, Fenris waited for him to speak.

“Going somewhere?” Anders finally asked tiredly.

“To look for you,” said Fenris, his voice also carefully neutral.

A guilty look flashed across his face and Anders said, “Some of the tunnels were collapsed. I had to find a way around. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Fenris pushed his irritation away. Of course he hadn’t meant to. Anders never means to worry him but he does every time one of these secret missions turns up. He doesn’t worry like this when Anders is with Hawke, though it’s just as dangerous, because somehow Hawke manages to keep them all alive. Instead of saying something he’ll probably regret later, Fenris turned away and began walking to their private area.

He heard the lock clicking into place and Anders shuffling footsteps behind him as he leaned his sword against the wall. As he readied himself for bed, Anders’ staff joined his sword and he felt his mage standing just behind him. Fenris felt Anders hands rest on his shoulders, still clad in leather, and he leaned back against the slightly taller man.

“I’m sorry,” Anders said quietly, close to his ear.

Fenris closed his eyes and said, “I know...”

Anders wrapped his arms around Fenris and he felt Anders’ warm breath on his ear as he spoke. “I hate worrying you but they need me. I…care for you.”

“I know,” Fenris said again, gripping Anders’ arm. “Let’s go to bed. You’re tired.”


	2. Chapter 2

Anders sat in his empty clinic the next day, rolling his staff between his hands. Hawke had come early and taken Fenris with him to the Bone Pit. There was always something wrong with that mine and he thought it should be closed down and sealed off. It would certainly prevent the influx of wounded miners that was sure to be heading his way soon.

Until they showed up Anders had the clinic to himself. So he sat and thought about those collapsed tunnels. Cave-ins were a common occurrence. The tunnels under Kirkwall were numerous and led everywhere. It was mostly side tunnels that collapsed. The underground had people that kept the main tunnels clear and safe and to find two of them impassable was slightly disturbing. 

A message had been left for Mistress Selby before he’d made his way home last night but Anders was considering contacting his informant in the Gallows. Carver might not know anything about the collapsed tunnels but he’d been surprisingly helpful with a few other problems they’d had over the years.

After the Qunari disaster Carver had been watched closely. He had knowingly denied the existence of two apostates and where they could be found, it was only natural that Meredith suspected him of other things. Just how the young Templar was able to shake his watchers long enough to offer Anders his service as an informant was nothing short of amazing. Knowing the risks Carver had taken to contact him and that he hadn’t turned in himself, Merrill or Hawke, Anders had accepted his offer.

They still didn’t get along very well and Anders suspected they never would. It wasn’t necessary to like one another to accomplish their goal. Carver wouldn’t tell him why he wanted to help only told him to take it or leave it. His knowledge had been helpful in avoiding the increased patrols. Any knowledge Carver had on those tunnels would be very helpful, especially if they had been collapsed on purpose.

He could hear the noisy wounded miners coming up the stairs now and Anders stood. With a last glance at his staff, he strapped it in place as the first of them came through the door. They had done this same thing so many times that Anders didn’t need to give them any instructions. The few that had been carried in were set on the cots and the rest arranged themselves in small groups.

One of the miners came up to him and said, “Fenris said he’d be along when he could.”

Anders nodded and got to work. Since most of them looked to have been through a battle and there were very few bites, he thought that undead must have been the culprits today. He was glad that it hadn’t been the spiders again. Detoxifying a dozen miners was a lot more tiring than healing cuts and bruises.

At some point Fenris had returned and after a quick kiss hello he removed his clawed gauntlets and set to work. Fenris cleaned the wounds and removed foreign objects then sent them on to Anders for healing. It was a system they had developed early on with the miners and the work went quickly. When only a few remained, Hawke and Merrill entered the clinic with a large pot between them with bowls set on the lid.

The pot was set on the desk and they stood next to it waiting patiently for Anders and Fenris to finish. Fenris waited for Anders and when the last miner had been sent on his way, they joined Hawke and Merrill.

“Orana made some soup,” Hawke said cheerfully. “Thought I’d share it with my favorite healers and no it’s not fish.”

“How’s your leg?” Fenris asked with a little smirk as Merrill handed him a bowl.

“Bloody corpses,” Hawke said with a grimace. “Don’t know when to stay properly dead.”

“What’s wrong with your leg?” Anders asked taking a bowl for himself.

“Arrow. Don’t worry about it. We fixed it right up,” Hawke said through a mouthful of the creamy potato soup.

Talk died as they all set to work on eating. The others finished long before Anders, who had four bowls of the soup. He set the empty bowl on top of the lidded pot with the others and sighed in contentment. Anders loved it when Hawke brought them food. Orana was an excellent cook.

“My compliments to the cook, that was delicious,” Anders said. 

Hawke smiled and said, “Thought you might need a little extra today. With all the work from that blighted mine I sent your way.”

“How considerate. What would I do without you?” said Anders shaking his head and smiling.

“I think you’d be a lot thinner,” said Merrill seriously.

Fenris snorted and turned away from them. Anders hid a smile behind his hand but Hawke laughed openly. “He certainly would be but there’s another reason I came down here,” Hawke said after his laughter had subsided. “I got a letter from Carver today. He asked me to tell you that he’d be at the Hanged Man for the next few nights and to come see him. Now that the message has been passed along care to tell me why my brother wants to see you?”

“It’s better for you if I don’t,” Anders said cautiously. Fenris frowned and arched an eyebrow at him.

“Ah,” Hawke said flatly. Suddenly he grinned and said, “Maybe I can tease it out of Carver. See you two later.”

Hawke waved as he and Merrill left with the pot between them. Merrill waved as well and Anders followed them as far as the door. He put out the lamp and locked the door after he’d shut it. Fenris stood where he’d been, arms folded across his chest, with his slave face fixed firmly in place. Anders hated seeing that emotionless expression.

“He’s an informant,” Anders said simply.

“I suppose you wish to speak with him then,” Fenris said with a sigh.

“Actually…I’d rather stay here…with you,” Anders said quietly. “Hawke said for the next few days. Carver can wait until tomorrow.”

“Won’t he have important information?” Fenris asked, a small frown cracking his emotionless façade.

“Probably,” Anders said stepping forward. “But…you’re important too.” He reached out and lightly touched Fenris’ cheek. “And I’ve missed you the last few days.”

Fenris finally smiled as he leaned forward and placed a kiss on his lips. “I’ve missed you too,” he said softly.

Anders smiled as Fenris started working the buckles on his coat. He hated the problems that came up when he was escorting mages out of the city. The first blocked tunnel had been annoying but the second one he’d come across had angered as well as worried him. Fenris worried and Anders hated to worry him but he was glad Fenris had never tried to stop him.

His coat was pushed off of his shoulders and fell to the floor as Anders began working on Fenris’ armor. Anders sighed as Fenris ran his hands up under his shirt, the strange reaction making him warm, and it soon joined his coat on the floor. Fenris’ armor joined his shirt and coat on the floor and Anders pressed them together. 

Fenris pressed their lips together again and Anders opened his mouth. Anders had never minded Fenris’ need to control their bedroom activities. He was an attentive lover and often made sure Anders peaked first. Anders enjoyed being at his mercy in the bedroom as it often led to incredible orgasms. It was therefore not surprising when Fenris took control of the kiss and began walking him backward.

He sat when he felt the cot behind his knees and Fenris crawled onto his lap. They were both panting when Fenris pulled back. It had never mattered to Anders who topped and who bottomed, he enjoyed both and was surprised but pleased to discover Fenris liked it either way too. He wondered which way around Fenris wanted it this time as he moved his head to the side. Fenris trailed nipping kisses down his neck as Anders settled his hands on Fenris’ hips.

When Fenris pulled away this time Anders was pushed gently down. “Close your eyes,” he said. Anders shut his eyes and felt Fenris’ hands trailing down his chest. His trousers were unlaced and pulled off and he shivered slightly as Fenris disappeared. He waited patiently his eyes still closed, and was rewarded with kisses that started at the hollow of his throat and trailed down his chest.

With Fenris’ calves touching Anders’ hips, the pulses of magic were slow and steady. Anders was already hard and he could feel Fenris’ erection brushing against his stomach when he leaned down to kiss, lick or nip at Anders. With his eyes closed, there was no way to predict where he might place the next kiss or even whether he intended to kiss at all.

“Please Fenris,” he panted.

Lips on his, Fenris’ tongue sliding across them and Anders opened his mouth and took in his tongue. Anders groaned as Fenris finally grasped his aching length and stroked a few times to spread the slick on his hand. The hand disappeared for a moment and Fenris sucked on his bottom lip before that too disappeared. He felt Fenris shifting his position slightly and gasped as Fenris held his length and sunk down in one smooth motion.

He heard Fenris groan and longed to open his eyes but kept them closed. Anders ran his fingers lightly along the inside of Fenris’ thighs. Fenris didn’t move for a few moments but when he did, it was slow but steady. Hands on his chest, fingers rubbing at his nipples and Anders gasped and moaned.

“Please,” Anders begged running one finger along the side of Fenris’ erect length.

“Yes,” Fenris said and gasped when Anders began stroking him. Slowly Fenris increased his speed and Anders matched it. They were both moaning and gasping quietly. “Now,” Fenris gasped.

Anders eyes snapped open and Fenris was above him, his eyes hooded, moaning in pleasure. The now rapid pulses of magic and the naked desire in his face was enough to push Anders over the edge. He groaned loudly as he spent himself. Fenris slowed but kept rolling his hips and Anders continued stroking him quickly. It took only a few more strokes before Fenris moaned and shot his seed on Anders. Fenris leaned forward as their motions stilled and with his hands to either side of Anders’ head, pressed another kiss to his lips. They stayed like that, with lazy kisses and sated lethargy. Fenris rose up once more and they both shuddered. Before he could move away completely Anders caressed his cheek.

“I…” Anders began, but he couldn’t finish. Even after all this time together, he still couldn’t utter those three little words.

After a small silence, Fenris smiled. “Let’s go to bed.”

Anders simply smiled back and nodded…wishing he could tell Fenris just how much he meant to him.


	3. Chapter 3

Anders spent most of the next day with Fenris in the clinic. It wasn’t nearly as busy at the clinic as it had been in years past but there were still enough Fereldan refugees to keep him busy some days. He was glad today was a slow day. It gave him a chance to catch up on some of the work around the clinic that Fenris had been doing alone lately. 

While Fenris sat on one of the cots caring for his equipment Anders washed sheets, folded bandages, and bottled potions. They spoke of many things while they worked but both of them avoided the subject of mages. Fenris never asked about his activities with the Mage Underground and Anders didn’t volunteer information. Anders didn’t really want to test Fenris’ patience or his luck by discussing the worsening situation.

That it was getting worse there was no doubt. With Meredith ruling the city as well as the Templars her methods were getting brutal. Abuses within the Gallows had soared and Templars were ruthlessly hunting apostates. He feared constantly for Hawke, a known apostate, and for himself as well. Hawke had the protection of his title and the nobles. Anders only had his association with Hawke to hide behind.

He feared for Fenris the most though. They had never hidden their relationship. It was well known that Fenris lived at the clinic and that they slept in the same bed. There had been a few unsubstantiated rumors that mages’ loved ones had become targets for Meredith’s wrath. No one was willing to confirm the rumors but Anders thought they were probably true. Templars would do anything to properly collar a mage. Karl was a perfect example of that.

Anders had never spoken of these fears with anyone, least of all Fenris. He could hear the derisive snort in his mind. Fenris was confident in his abilities and Anders knew that he could defend himself well enough but they never played fair. That’s what worried him. None of this had ever stopped him though. He was determined to get as many mages out of Kirkwall as he could. When Fenris had decided to come with him to the Hanged Man he was secretly glad. Anders knew Fenris had no interest in Carver’s information and that he wanted to speak with Varric but he enjoyed the company.

Fenris had asked Varric to track down his sister, Varania. Anders had provided a name and Fenris had remembered a few things about her but they had little else to go on. It had been Anders’ idea to ask for Varric’s help. His information network was diverse and if anyone could locate someone with so little information, it would be Varric.

The Hanged Man was one of the few places in Kirkwall that had been untouched by the Qunari. It was still filthy, smelly, and full of people that served the worst whisky he’d ever had the misfortune to taste. That included the swill Oghren drank on a regular basis. The only thing the place was missing was Isabela standing at the bar. None of them had seen or heard from her since she stormed off.

Anders scanned the crowd and found Carver at a table near the stairs with Hawke. The distinctive Templar armor was absent and he sat in shadows. Fenris touched his arm and nodded toward the stairs. “I’ll see you later,” Anders said quietly. Fenris made his way through the crowd and Anders followed long enough to sit at the table with Carver and Hawke.

“Hello Anders,” Hawke said. “We were just talking about you.”

Carver scowled and said, “No we weren’t.”

“Hawke, Carver,” he said in greeting.

“Oh don’t mind me,” Hawke said with a smile after a short silence. He waved his hand and took a long drink from his mug. 

“Garrett,” Carver said almost angrily. “Go.”

The mug hit the table with a bang and Hawke sighed dramatically. “Dismissed again,” said Hawke with a shake of his head. “Maybe I can dig something out of Fenris.” His eyes sparkled merrily as he stood.

“Good luck,” Anders said as Hawke pushed the chair in.

“Oh, I’ll find out what you two are up to sooner or later,” Hawke said with a confident smile.

Hawke started up the stairs and Carver finished the last of his mug and signaled Norah for more. The old was taken away and a new mug placed in front of Carver and one in front of him. Anders eyed the brown liquid and toyed with the cup while he waited for Carver to speak.

“You have got to slow down,” Carver said quietly.

“We can’t. You know that,” said Anders just as quietly.

“You have to. She’s suspicious. There are regular patrols in the tunnels being used.”

“So we’ll start using different tunnels. They were collapsed on purpose, weren’t they?”

“You’re not listening,” Carver said, a deep frown on his face, his eyes hard and serious. “She _knows_! Cul…we can’t protect you anymore.”

Anders leaned forward and tightened his mental hold on Justice. “I never asked for your protection,” he said angrily but still quietly. “Or _his_. I won’t…no…I can’t stop. The more mages we get out of this Maker forsaken place the better.”

“Bloody mage,” Carver muttered as Anders stood.

“Thanks for the drink,” Anders said as he turned toward the door. The Underground needed to know this immediately. He stopped and looked up the stairs for a moment before hurrying out. Hopefully Fenris would understand.

*

Fenris sat beside Varric reading his carefully written words. With both Hawke and Anders teaching him, his reading had improved a lot. His writing still looked like a child’s scrawl but Anders had said it would improve with practice. So far he had had little reason to practice writing but it seemed he needed to now.

Somehow, Varric had found her. With only a name and a vague description he’d found his sister. She was a tailor but she lived in Minrathous. That was going to complicate things but he had a chance to reconnect to his past. He had no idea what to say however.

He was reading the information again when Carver walked in. Carver slumped into the nearest seat and set his full mug on the table. “He’s gone,” Carver said irritably.

“Not surprising,” Fenris said still absorbed in the words on the parchment.

“You’re not a bit worried?” Hawke asked curiously.

Fenris looked up at Hawke, who sat across from him. “The Mage can take care of himself. Besides…I know where he’s gone.”

“Sometimes I wonder about that,” Carver snorted.

“Don’t,” Fenris said gruffly carefully folding the parchment.

“Things are changing Fenris,” Carver said, the serious tone of his voice made Fenris cringe inside. “It’s plenty more dangerous out there than it was two years ago.”

He tucked the folded parchment beneath the back of one of his gauntlets. Yes it was worse and Fenris knew it but so did Anders. “That’s why he does it,” Fenris said as he stood. He looked to Varric, “Thank you.”

“No problem Broody,” Varric said.

“Hawke,” said Fenris as he turned toward the door. Standing just inside the doorway he turned back as Carver spoke.

“Be careful,” he said.

His voice was quiet, serious and concerned. Fenris wondered just what the young Templar knew. “Always,” Fenris said as he walked calmly out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Things were fairly calm for the next few weeks. Anders spent more time at the clinic or doing various things with Hawke. Fenris was sure it had something to do with what Carver had told him. Whatever the reason he was glad. He enjoyed every moment he could with Anders because he knew this pause in activity wouldn’t last.

During this time he had started and abandoned many letters to his sister. Not really knowing her, it was hard to know what to write. Would she even believe him? It was difficult but with Anders’ encouragement, Fenris did eventually get a letter written and sent off. Waiting for a reply was nerve wrecking.

It didn’t help that Anders’ missions with the Underground had slowly began again. They have been increasing in frequency as well. Over the last month Anders had been gone at least once a week and sometimes two. As more mages were spirited away from her the angrier Meredith became. One could hardly turn around anywhere in Kirkwall anymore without running into a Templar.

This was worrisome but he was confident in Anders’ abilities. He was not so confident in his common sense however. Sometimes the Mage just had no sense of how much danger he was in. He provoked without thinking and stood his ground when he should run. There were often more lives on the line than just his however which is why Fenris didn’t say much on the subject.

Anders had been gone on one of his missions last night and had come back in the early hours of the morning, drained and exhausted. When Hawke came calling Fenris had steered him from the clinic and left a short note for Anders. He made sure the doors were locked and the lamps left dark to make sure he got the rest he needed.

Fenris was glad Anders was left in the clinic. After wandering around Sundermount for a while Hawke had found the plant that the potions seller wanted this time and he took them straight to the Gallows to hand it over. That Hawke was as comfortable in the Gallows as he was everywhere else disturbed Fenris a bit. Hawke was protected though and Anders was safe in the clinic.

It was well past afternoon and into the evening as they passed through the gates. Even though he knew Anders was probably healing refugees at the clinic by now he still scanned the faces of the Tranquil in the courtyard. Fenris wasn’t sure when this habit had begun but every time they came here, unless Anders was with them, he looked for him. He hated bringing Anders here. The Mage spent enough time in the Gallows. 

He followed Hawke and looked for a face he was sure he wouldn’t find and mostly ignored the Templars that were always present here. It came as a complete surprise when one of them, the Knight-Captain if he remembered correctly, tapped his shoulder lightly while he was waiting for Hawke to finish his business.

“Excuse me,” he said politely. “You seem to have dropped this.” In his outstretched hand was a folded parchment.

Fenris looked at the parchment and followed his arm up to his face. He was serious and polite like he always was but Fenris was sure he hadn’t dropped anything. What reason would he have to carry around parchment for in the first place? “You are mistaken,” he said turning back around.

“There is no mistake,” the Templar said softly. No one else would have heard him but the concern in his voice made Fenris turn. It was his eyes though, always haunted, always serious, commanding and pleading him to take the parchment.

Fenris held out his hand and the note, it couldn’t be anything else, was pressed into his palm. “Thank you,” Fenris said automatically as his fingers closed around it.

“Glad to be of service,” he said with a slight nod. The Knight-Captain turned to face Hawke, who was now watching the exchange with a raised eyebrow, and nodded again in his direction. “Champion,” he said before turning and walking off toward the stairs.

Hawke, Varric and Aveline were all staring at him curiously. “Well?” Hawke asked.

Fenris held the parchment tightly and said mildly, “If we are finished here we should move on.” He was eager to be away from the Gallows. What reason had the Knight-Captain given him a note? The corners dug into his palm as Hawke led the way, frowning slightly. They were silent as they waited for the ferry. For Fenris the wait was excruciating. He wanted to look at it but didn’t dare with so many people around. Hawke seemed as impatient as he was and when the ferry did arrive he led them to a quiet area near the back.

“Alright Fenris, why is Knight-Captain Cullen passing you notes?” Hawke said quietly. 

“I don’t know,” Fenris said as he unfolded the parchment. The others gathered around curiously, Hawke reading over his shoulder. The writing was cramped and slightly messy, like it had been written in a hurry. 

_His clinic will be raided at sundown._

Fenris’ eyes went wide, Hawke sucked in a breath and his arm dropped to his side. Varric plucked the parchment from his nerveless fingers when, as one, Fenris and Hawke turned to the sun. It was still above the horizon but only just.

“That’s not good,” Varric murmured.

“Why is Cullen protecting Anders?” Aveline asked.

“Shh, not so loud.” Hawke said seriously. “You two go back to whatever you had planned. Not a word of this to anyone…either of you.”

Varric and Aveline both nodded. Fenris took the note, folded back up, when Varric offered it and put it in his pouch. The four of them went to stand by the rail where the gangplank would be lowered. He shifted his weight impatiently and frequently glanced at the sun, watching its progress toward the horizon. Fenris paid no attention to the others. He had to get back there before the Templars did. After Anders was safe he could think about why the Knight-Captain was protecting an apostate.

After an unbearably long ride across the calm water Fenris took one last look at the sun. The bottom edge of it was close to the horizon but not quite touching it yet. The plank was lowered and he didn’t wait for it to settle before jumping off and running for the entrance to Darktown. He didn’t look around to see who had followed him. There was still time to get Anders out of the clinic and he didn’t intend to waste it.

*

Anders was standing by one of the cots with a little girl who had broken her leg somehow lying on it. Her parents stood nearby, mother holding her hand, father watching him intently. The bone had been set with many tears and he concentrated on healing the fracture.

There were a few others standing around waiting when the doors burst open. There were a few frightened screams but Anders ignored the commotion and finished healing the girl’s leg before he looked up to see what the fuss was. Hawke was herding people out and Fenris was standing at his side.

“Fenris what…” he began in confusion.

“We must leave,” Fenris interrupted. Fenris grabbed his arm just above the elbow and tugged him toward the door.

“Is she all right now Healer?” the girl’s father called after him.

Anders tugged his arm out of Fenris’ grasp and turned back toward them. “She’s fine now but take it easy for a couple of days. Her leg might be a little sore for a while.” Hawke hurried past him to the family and Fenris gripped his biceps tightly and marched him toward the door. “Fenris!” Anders said irritably.

“Later,” replied Fenris shortly. “It’s not safe here.”

Hawke hurried past them following the family out the door. “I’ve told them to clear out and spread the word,” he said standing on the other side of the door as Anders and Fenris hurried through. “Get to the cellars.”

Fenris hustled him to Hawke’s cellar and he unlocked the door still confused but only a bit worried. He heard the doors to his clinic shut as the one in front of him opened. That was when he heard it. The sound of armor rattling as those who wore it hurried in their direction. Anders was only allowed a moments contemplation before he was shoved through the door. Fenris and Hawke followed him through, Hawke shutting and bolting the door after him.

The three of them stood there for a moment listening. They heard muffled shouts and a loud crash that could only be the doors of the clinic being broken open. Anders closed his eyes and frowned. It could only be Templars. “How did you know?” he asked.

“Knight-Captain Cullen,” Hawke said.

Anders sighed. “I suppose you’d like an explanation?”

“That would be appreciated,” Fenris said. His arms were crossed over his chest but his gaze was curious.

“Let’s go get comfortable then,” Anders said turning toward the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild Dub-Con towards the end.

When they were upstairs in Hawke’s library, a fire burning merrily in the hearth, a guest room being prepared and Orana fixing supper Anders stood at the hearth and stared into the dancing flames. Hawke and Fenris sat in the chairs behind him, waiting for him to speak. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Anders had never told anyone of his year in solitary. There were people who knew of course, like Hawke and Fenris, but he’d never told anyone what happened during that year.

Silently he cursed Cullen one moment and thanked him the next. That he didn’t haul Anders off the first moment they saw each other told him enough. Cullen’s only reaction had been a slight widening of the eyes. Anders knew Cullen had been protecting him, keeping the Templars away from the clinic. Carver had only confirmed it. If he was willing to risk Meredith’s ire to warn Fenris…Hawke cleared his throat, bringing Anders out of his thoughts. Without turning, Anders began to speak.

“Last night I had to sneak out one of the mages that passes us information on the inside. She was scheduled for Tranquility this morning. We…ran into a bit of trouble. I didn’t think they saw me but perhaps they did. After all these years it’s the only reason I can think of for Meredith to finally make her move on the clinic. Cullen couldn’t stop them this time I guess.”

“Has the Knight-Captain known all along?” Fenris asked quietly.

Anders finally turned to look at them. Hawke was curious but Fenris…Fenris had put on his slave face. Sadly, Anders nodded. “He could have thrown me in the Gallows the second I stepped off of the boat.”

“So why didn’t he?” asked Hawke. 

“That’s the question isn’t it,” Anders said as he sat cross legged on the floor. “The answer isn’t so simple.” As he spoke, he remembered.

***

_One Week_

Five paces wide and six paces long, that’s how big the cell was, entirely too small. Caught again and thrown in solitary…again. Anders sat on the old cot and wondered how long they would keep him here this time. It was the same cell even. The same grate in the corner to piss in, the same small bucket of water that had to last him all day, the same old cot with the same ratty blanket that barely kept him warm and the same stone walls to stare at day after boring day. Not to mention the same wards that cut off his magic.

He couldn’t tell if it actually was day or night. The only way to tell the world went on without him was when they brought his meals. Two meals of whatever scraps the kitchens had. They made sure he didn’t go hungry but it wasn’t always tasty.

Anders sighed and lay back on the cot, crossing his feet at the ankles with his hands laced behind his head. The Templar guard wouldn’t talk to him. He…or she…wouldn’t even respond to taunts or insults. It figures they would put a seasoned Templar to guard him. Talking to an empty, barred, square hole in the door had become very boring very quickly. It didn’t stop him from trying after the guard was changed though. So far every one of them had ignored him. Anders sighed again and hoped they were as bored as he was.

_One Month_

Anders filled the silence with the sound of his own voice. Everyone thought that he simply liked to talk but the truth was far less simple. Down here the silence was thick. Its weight could be felt so he filled it with his own voice. Anders told himself stories of what he was going to do when they finally let him out. Sometimes he told himself about memorable things he’d done before he’d been caught, anything to prevent the quiet from creeping back in.

He tried to keep his mind sharp by thinking up new insults to hurl at the Templars who wouldn’t talk to him. Anders walked the length of his cell and did push-ups or sit-ups to keep his body from withering away. The loneliness was a different matter all together. There was no way to fight that. So he kept talking to himself, insulting the Templars and hoped that he would be let out soon.

_Two Months_

The perpetual darkness was getting difficult to deal with. His only light came from the small barred window in the door. Sometimes he’d seek out that weak light source, stand in the small square of light until the darkness receded.

If it wasn’t for the recruit that had actually began speaking with him Anders would wonder if he wasn’t going mad. Mostly he stood off to the side of the little window but sometimes he’d stand in that little space. Anders didn’t know what he looked like beyond the short blonde hair. But his voice…his voice was wonderful, soft-spoken and cautious but real.

It was nice to have a conversation with someone other than himself. The others still wouldn’t say anything to him but this one always knocked once on the door. So he continued to think up new insults to jab them with but he always waited a moment, hoping for that knock…hoping that it would be this nice Templar, the one who spoke to him. A conversation wasn’t much, but it was all he had.

_Three Months_

Sometimes the quiet spoke and the darkness crushed. He’d stand in his little square of light reciting things he’d learned and focus on that little barred window until he stopped shaking. When his Templar was on the other side of the door, he helped. Anders would focus on his soft voice and the comforting things he would say. 

He began to hate it when his Templar wasn’t on duty. Anders would fill the silence while wishing he was. His insults to the others became rude and spiteful but none of them would talk. Only his Templar would help him keep the quiet at bay. When he was on duty, Anders began standing at the door, wanting to be close to him. 

His Templar still wouldn’t tell Anders his name but he always knocked and he always spoke. They spoke of many things. He always told Anders the latest goings on in the tower, always facts and never gossip. Anders didn’t care what went on up there really…it wouldn’t affect him much. But he listened intently anyway.

When he slept, sometimes Anders would dream of his Templar. He would dream of that shadowed face with his short blonde hair and his beautiful voice. Simple dreams, shaking hands, an embrace, sometimes of the day when his Templar would be the one chosen to watch him take his weekly bath…those were his favorite. 

_Four Months_

Anders was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to let him out. If it wasn’t for Cullen, he suspected he’d have gone mad ages ago. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was already half there. Sometimes there were voices in the darkness…voices that tempted him with things. Anders tried not to listen, filling the room with any sort of nonsense that left his lips. Sometimes he was sure his cell was getting smaller. He’d count his steps obsessively just to make sure it wasn’t.

His Templar…Cullen, had finally told Anders his name. He still didn’t have a face to go with the name but that just gave him something to work for. Cullen was still the only one who spoke to him and Anders cursed the others. His guard duty was the only thing Anders had to look forward to. He still stood at the door and sometimes he’d put his fingers through the bars, hoping Cullen would touch him.

Oh how he craved Cullen’s touch. He wanted it almost as badly as he wanted to see his face. Anders often thought of Cullen when he wanked. Pleasuring himself to thoughts of his touch and his voice had become one of the only things to do.

He still walked his cell and the other things but mostly because they had become habit. His water bucket was filled and he walked the length of his cell until his morning meal. Anders ate and followed that up with fifty push-ups. Then he stood in his little square of light for a while and then he did fifty sit-ups. The rest of the time he spoke to himself constantly but had little else to fill up his days with.

Half of the time, when the voices weren’t tempting him, he still thought of rude things to call the other Templars but the other half he’d begun thinking up fantasies. Some of them were simple, like just laying in a field of grass, but others involved a dramatic rescue from this bitter loneliness by his Templar followed by a happily ever after with him somewhere the Chantry couldn’t reach them…Tevinter perhaps.

Anders knew that was not very likely. He might be nice…but Cullen was still a Templar. It was a nice dream though…and it passed the time when Cullen wasn’t on duty.

_Five Months_

He’s given up on his robes. They are filthy, smelly, torn and quite useless down here in the dark. On a particularly bad day he’d thrown them in the corner and there they’ve stayed. Since Anders hadn’t been wearing small clothes the day they tossed him down here, he spent all of his time naked. Who was going to care really? The Templars who wouldn’t even talk to him? The ones who watched him bathe, oh wait, they did see and still didn’t care.

The only person who seemed to care about him at all was Cullen. He had offered to get Anders a new set of robes the next time he was on duty. Anders had been standing in his light when Cullen knocked. His shadowed face had disappeared quickly. Even though he appreciated the offer, Anders told Cullen not to get himself in trouble. The last thing he wanted was for Cullen to get in trouble…he’d probably never hear his Templar again.

Cullen had touched him that day though. After all this time…that brief moment their hands touched…felt like heaven.

_Six Months_

Anders finally had a face. Cullen had been on duty when it was bath day. Most of the other Templars wore their helmets but he never did. He was every bit as handsome as his voice. After that day, sometimes Cullen would stand inside his cell when he was on duty. Anders would have to sit on his cot those days but he dreamed of the day when Cullen would let him get closer.

He’d almost given up hope completely, that they’d ever let him out. His world had been narrowed to a small, dark cell and one nice Templar for so long…it was hard to hope for freedom. So he hoped for Cullen instead. His voice that kept the silence from becoming oppressive, a name to remember, touches he craved and now a face for his dreams. 

_Seven Months_

He doesn’t like to sleep now. There are demons…the same voices that whisper to him from the darkness. They offer him freedom, the power to kill every Templar but the hardest ones to resist…are the ones that offer him Cullen. But Anders does resist and tells them all to bugger off. He sleeps because he must but he doesn’t like to. 

Cullen spends almost all of his shifts inside the cell with Anders now. It’s only a matter of time now…before Anders can get close. Time that he seems to have plenty of…most of it spent dreaming up ways to show his Templar how grateful he is. Anders spends most of the time when Cullen is in his dark little world achingly hard and completely unashamed of it. Toward the end of one of Cullen’s shifts, Anders couldn’t stand it anymore and stroked himself to completion while listening to him.

He didn’t flee but Cullen did seem a little embarrassed. After that, Anders made a show of himself every time. It took two weeks before Cullen asked him why. His answer had been simple, because I want you. On his next shift, Cullen had sat next to Anders on the cot. This close…Anders could see his face clearly. He could see that Cullen truly did care for him. 

Ever impulsive, Anders had moved himself to sit in Cullen’s lap. He was surprised but made no move to push Anders away. When Anders kissed him and offered himself to Cullen, he didn’t push away or say no. Suddenly his hands were all over Anders as they kissed. To his touch starved body even the cold steel of Cullen’s gauntlets felt wonderful. Cullen took him that day, with nothing but spit to ease the passage. Anders spent the rest of his shift curled up in his lap, one of Cullen’s hands resting on his thigh and the other running through his long hair. That night he fell asleep happy for the first time in ages.

***

“Whoa! Wait a minute!” Hawke exclaimed suddenly.

Anders blinked a few times and shook his head to clear away the memories. “What?” he asked in confusion.

“I thought you told Sebastian that you hadn’t been raped,” Hawke said angrily. 

“I wasn’t,” Anders said frowning. “Why are you angry?”

“Because the Templar took advantage,” Fenris said coldly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Dub-Con.

“No…it…” Anders began but trailed off into confused silence. He looked between Hawke’s flashing angry eyes and Fenris’ cold fury. Anders didn’t understand their reactions at all.

“Yes,” Hawke said shortly. “He did.”

“No…no it wasn’t like that,” Anders said shaking his head. “He cared…If I hadn’t wanted it Cullen would have stopped.”

“That’s not the point Anders,” Hawke said leaning forward in his chair, fists clenched on the arms. “Cullen had power and he abused it.”

“Would you have allowed it if you hadn’t been imprisoned?” Fenris asked his voice still cold and his face set in stone.

“I…,” Anders said. His voice trailed off as he looked at Fenris and truly thought about his question. This was why he didn’t talk about that year. Anders didn’t understand his feelings toward Cullen then or now. It had taken him months afterwards to sweep Cullen and his memories under the rug. They were probably right but it didn’t matter much now. There was more and they needed to hear it. “Don’t know,” he finished softly. Fenris growled and stood. Anders stood as well and hurried to block the door. With his hands pressed against Fenris’ chest he pleaded, “Stay…please. Let me finish.”

“Tell me why I shouldn’t rip him apart,” Fenris said softly. His voice shook with rage.

“Let me finish,” Anders repeated. “Please.”

Anders let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding when Fenris nodded. Fenris turned and stalked back toward the chair, sitting with his hands gripping the arms of the chair tightly. Anders sank back to the floor in front of the fire. He pulled his knees flush to his chest and wrapped his arms around them while he stared at the floor between Hawke and Fenris.

“Go on Anders,” Hawke said. Anders could still hear the tightly controlled anger. “Tell us the rest.”

***

_Eight Months_

Cullen didn’t always allow him to be close. For a week afterward Cullen had stayed on the other side of the door. Anders had been frantic with worry trying to figure out what he’d done. The whispering voices in the darkness grew louder and the demons bolder. The cell closed in on him and he sat in that one little square of light, repeating the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ over and over. 

When Cullen had seen him like this, tears streaming down Anders cheeks, he finally stepped inside once more. Anders clung to him and apologized, begged to be forgiven for whatever he’d done wrong. Cullen shushed and cooed, one hand rubbing his back and the other at the back of his head. He had begged to be taken again and Cullen had taken him.

The whispering grew quiet once more and his dark prison was bearable as long as he shared it with Cullen. Sometimes he would stand at the door and Anders would sit on his cot stroking himself while Cullen watched. Other times he would sit with Anders on the cot…these were the days he yearned for. When his Templar allowed Anders to sit next to him and he was allowed to touch and to kiss, to be touched, kissed and filled by his Templar.

On those days, sometimes Cullen would fill him twice. Once at the beginning of his shift, cuddling and talking afterward and then again when his shift was nearly over. The second time was always the best, while Anders was already open and slick with his seed. Anders would sit on his lap with Cullen buried deep inside, rocking while they kissed.

Looking forward to Cullen’s next shift sustained him when the silent ones stood outside the door. He wanted Cullen to sit with him always, to be touched, kissed and loved. But his presence at the door was enough.

_Nine Months_

Cullen sits with him more often now. Anders tried to make sure he was always ready for his Templar. After love, Cullen would tell him what was going on in the tower and outside the tower. He didn’t really care about the things Cullen told him, as long as he was there, as long as he was touched and loved.

Anders grew hateful toward the silent ones and he would shout at them through the door. He never grew bold enough to attack the ones who brought his meals or watched him bathe but he enjoyed making them uncomfortable. After a few incidents Cullen had chastised him. He had stayed by the door that day, saying that Anders should be nice to the silent ones. If Cullen wanted him to be nice then Anders would try. 

_Ten Months_

He pinches himself and paces to stay awake. They are always there…the demons and the voices with their sweet promises and it was hard to keep resisting them. So he kept himself awake as much as he could. Anders grows morose and irritable until Cullen asked him what was wrong. He was safe inside the circle of Cullen’s arms and after Anders had told him, he’d closed his eyes. Cullen said that he must resist, take nothing they offer and Anders wanted to please his Templar more than anything. He was still afraid to go to sleep, but it was easier to resist them.

The number Cullen’s shifts increased after that. Sometimes Anders would spend their time together sleeping in his arms. He felt bad at first for wasting their time together but Cullen would smile and tell him that it was all right, if Anders needed the rest then Cullen wanted him to sleep. 

_Eleven Months_

Cullen has brought dire news. There are darkspawn to the south and the King has called on the Circle of Magi to defend Ferelden. Mages and Templars were sent but Cullen remained here and for that Anders was glad. He didn’t know if he could stand being here while his Templar was elsewhere. Anders did care about this bit of news. If this was a true blight like the rumors suggested…surely they wouldn’t leave him here if the tower needed to be evacuated. Hopefully Cullen would take him with.

He asked one day as he lay on the cot, his legs wrapped tightly around Cullen’s waist as his Templar was thrusting into him. Cullen had leaned down and captured his lips in a kiss. “Of course I’ll take you with me.” There was such love and caring in his soft voice. Anders felt much better after that…his Templar wanted him.

_Twelve Months_

The mages have returned bringing news of betrayal. The King is dead and the Grey Wardens are dead…caught in their own trap some say. Others say Teyrn Loghain is the one who betrayed the King. Either way southern Ferelden is lost. The day Cullen brings this news, Anders comforts him.

A meeting is being called and the Circle will decide which rumor to believe tomorrow. 

_The Last Day_

Anders is worried. He is completely alone. There is no Templar outside his cell. He doesn’t like the silent ones but their stony presence is much better than being completely alone in the dark cramped cell. Anders stands in his little square of light, his hands pressed to his ears trying to shut out the whispers in the darkness. They are louder than they have ever been before and he is frightened of them. He shakes his head and tells them no…just like Cullen wanted him to. 

How long he stands there, Anders doesn’t know. He repeats one word aloud over and over, “No.” At some point he closes his eyes until he can hear the lock rattle and the door open. His eyes open and he smiles relieved at first, Cullen has come. But there is something wrong…he’s left the door wide open and he is dropping a bundle of clothes at Anders feet. There is also a sword and a shield strapped to his back when they have always been left outside before.

Anders reaches out for him but Cullen pulled a shirt over his head. Linen, scratchy, stiff and he wants it off. He doesn’t fight it though…if Cullen wants him to wear a shirt then he will wear a shirt.

“Hurry,” Cullen said holding out a pair of trousers. His voice is frantic and his eyes fearful.

His arms through the sleeves he takes the trousers and pulls them on. They are tight and constricting and he wants them off too but Cullen is kneeling. As he tries to remember how to lace the trousers he lifts his leg obediently when Cullen pulls on it. A boot is slipped onto his foot and the process is repeated for his other foot.

“What’s wrong?” he asks fearfully still fumbling with the laces.

Cullen stands and bats his hands away to tie them. “Demons, abominations, blood mages…the tower has fallen.” Anders gasps in shock as Cullen takes his hand. “I’m getting you out.”

Anders stumbles along behind Cullen as they run out the door and up a long flight of stairs. When they pass through the door at the top of the stairs Anders trips and falls to his knees gasping in shock once more. They have passed through the wards and he can feel his magic. There is no time to marvel or even enjoy this missing part of him that has been returned. Cullen tugs on his hand.

“Come on get up,” he ordered. “We must hurry before the doors are shut!”

Struggling to his feet, Anders runs behind him. They pass through another set of doors and into chaos. There are Templars, mages, demons, shades, abominations…all fighting in the great hall. Cullen pushes him toward the great double doors that are still open but Anders stops and turns to him.

“Are you coming with me?” Anders asked meekly.

“I will cover your escape,” Cullen says gently. “You must go…now.”

Anders turns to the doors and obediently starts walking. After only a few steps he turns and runs back. Cullen is standing in the same place and Anders grips his breastplate. “Please, let me stay!” he begs. “I can help you!”

“No,” Cullen says sadly.

“Please!” Anders said and tears burned his eyes as they break free of his eye lashes to roll down his cheeks. “I promise to be good! I can heal you! I’ll use fire on them! Please don’t send me away! I…I love you!”

Cullen closed his eyes briefly, a strange look of guilt on his face. He brushes away tears and leans forward. Their lips brush together in a chaste kiss and he whispers in Anders ear. “Run…and don’t look back.”

“No…Please…” whimpers Anders as Cullen removes his hands from his breastplate. Anders is physically turned and then shoved in the direction of the great doors.

“Go! Now!” Cullen shouts angrily at him.

Anders can hear the scrape of Cullen’s sword leaving its scabbard as he runs. He hears a terrifying battle cry as he passes through the great arch. Everything still in chaos, though it’s mostly Templars out here. Tears stream down his cheeks and Anders is ignored as he makes his way to the doors that lead outside.

“Get those doors closed!” someone shouts behind him.

As he passes through he can hear the great doors slam shut with a hollow booming sound. He doesn’t stop even though he wants to. There is a tight feeling in his chest that he doesn’t understand but Cullen had ordered him to run. So he did…and he didn’t look back.

***

Fenris sat in the chair, his mind reeling from all these revelations. He was furious with Knight-Captain Cullen most of all but there was a small amount of gratitude. Even though he had abused his authority, Cullen had been the only thing that had kept his Mage somewhat sane. No matter his original intentions Cullen had turned Anders into a willing slave. It was no wonder he held such hate for Templars.

“What did you do after that?” Hawke asked quietly.

Anders swiped his cheek on the feathers at his shoulder and said shakily, “Wandered aimlessly. A kind family took me in after a few weeks…taught me how to function in the world again.” He stood and looked at Hawke, a serious expression on his face. “This doesn’t leave this room.”

“My lips are sealed,” Hawke said and pressed his lips shut and mimed locking them then throwing the imaginary key over his shoulder.

“Do you understand now?” Anders asked looking at Fenris, his lips curved in a small frown.

Fenris understood much more about him now. He understood the meek way he’d spoken to Cullen that one time he’d been taken to the Gallows as a child. He understood the strange look that had passed between them and why Anders avoided this Templar. He knew why Anders had been vague when he’d told Fenris of his last escape when the other attempts were told in great detail. Most importantly…he understood why Anders couldn’t say those three words to him.

He could see that Anders wanted to say them sometimes but he’d never pressed. It’s true that Fenris hadn’t said them either but his reasons were different. Fenris had known his feelings for this mage had grown into love for quite some time. He wasn’t sure how Anders would react. So he left it unsaid and tried to show Anders instead.

“He won’t die by my hand,” Fenris said as he stood. “Tell me…what are your feelings for him now?”

“Doesn’t matter…he’s a Templar,” Anders sneered.

Fenris’ eyes narrowed as he watched Anders closely. His eyes had flashed blue on the last word. It wasn’t really an answer but it told Fenris all he needed to know.


	7. Chapter 7

Dinner was a quiet affair. The three of them lost in their own thoughts. They might have been silent all night if Merrill hadn’t lightened the mood in her charming way. Fenris was still very glad when they were led to the guest room. Anders had been quiet for most of the night and Fenris suspected he was trying to push the painful memories back into the dusty corner of his mind that they had come from.

As they lay in bed Fenris thought about all that he had been told. Anders snuggled close to him and he was struck by a sudden stab of guilt. From the first time that they had sex, Fenris had always been in charge. It was a need that stemmed from his painful past. Like Anders, there were things that he just didn’t talk about. He’d never thought about why they had never spoken about it or why Anders had let Fenris have control.

Anders had fallen into his role so quickly. Was he responding to instincts that Cullen had put in place? After all this time surely Anders would have said something if it bothered him. Fenris lay close to Anders and tried to reassure himself but now that he’d thought it, he couldn’t forget.

“Anders?” Fenris said softly.

“You can’t sleep either?” Anders asked.

“No,” After a short pause he said, “Does it bother you that…” Fenris said but stopped, unsure how to phrase his question. Anders rose up and leaned on his arm. “Does what bother me?” he asked curiously.

Still not quite sure of what to say, Fenris instead pushed Anders onto his back and straddled him, his knees pressed against his hips. Even though he was confused, Anders lay with his hands to either side of his head but Fenris hesitated before he leaned over and threaded their fingers together. He felt the magic pulsing along his markings, starting from their joined hands. With their faces only inches apart Fenris repeated his question. “Does it bother you?”

After a moment of confusion his face cleared and Anders smiled. “Does it bother me that you’re the boss in the bedroom?” he asked. Fenris nodded and his smile grew wider. “Not a bit.”

“We have shared much…but there are things that I don’t like to speak of either,” Fenris said.

“It’s all right,” Anders said. “When you’re ready to talk I’ll listen…but there’s been far too much talk of the past for tonight.” His smile grew mischievous and his eyes sparkled. “Until then…I’m pretty sure there’s a healing potion in my pouch.”

Fenris smiled and dipped his head, pressing their lips together briefly before reaching over the side of the bed. With one of their hands locked together Fenris found his pouch. His fingers closed over the bottle and lying off to one side of Anders they kissed again both panting for breath when Fenris finally pulled away. Without releasing their hands Fenris handed Anders the potion. Fenris then pushed the sheet down and the night shirt up. Anders lifted his hips and Fenris pulled his small clothes off.

“Legs up,” Fenris said as he worked his sleep pants off. Anders smiled and pulled his knees as close to his chest as he could. Fenris positioned himself on his knees close behind him and Anders held out the potion. As Fenris used his free hand to pop the cork he said, “I want to hear you.”

“Yes,” Anders said quietly.

They were both used to being as quiet as possible, each for very different reasons but it was a habit neither of them had bothered to break. Fenris held his hand out and Anders poured some of the liquid onto his fingers. His fingers thoroughly coated Fenris teased around Anders entrance before pushing a single digit in. 

Anders groaned louder than usual but still quietly. He wouldn’t add another until Anders begged for it. Fenris teased that spot inside and slowly worked his fingers in and out to a steady stream of moans and pleas for more.

“Fenris,” Anders panted. He whimpered when Fenris slipped his fingers out one final time. Fenris held his hand out again and Anders poured the rest of the potion in his palm. The vial was dropped to the floor and Fenris stroked himself. With the very tip of his cock nudging Anders entrance he pleaded “Fenris…please.”

With one of his legs draped over their hands, Anders held the other as Fenris sheathed his cock in one smooth motion. The mage groaned as Fenris began thrusting. He reveled in every moan and gasp, pounding into Anders after a gasped harder. The room was filled with the sounds of flesh slapping and groans of pleasure.

Anders began an alternating litany of ‘please’ and ‘Fenris’ with every thrust. The magic pulses tingled rapidly along his markings and Fenris reached down and began stroking Anders’ cock. It took only a few strokes before words failed Anders completely and he moaned as his seed splattered across his stomach. Fenris moaned as Anders’ orgasm clenched around him. Only a few more hard thrusts and his rhythm faltered as he came.

“Thank you,” Anders said breathlessly as he let go of his leg.

Fenris gave Anders hand a squeeze before he let go and lowered his other leg to the bed. He used Anders’ small clothes to clean his stomach and Anders shuddered as Fenris pulled away from him completely as the pulses stopped. Anders lay where he was, his eyes half closed. He made no move to cover himself so Fenris pulled down his night shirt and brought the sheet up to his chin. Anders finally rolled to his side and they cuddled together after Fenris pulled up the comforter. 

“Anders,” Fenris whispered after a moment.

“Hmm?” he replied sleepily. 

“I won’t leave you,” Fenris said and similar words spoken to a frightened elf child echoed in his mind.

There was a pause before he answered. Even though Fenris was behind him and couldn’t see his face, he knew Anders was smiling as he said, “I know.”

***

In the morning they went down to the clinic. Both doors had been reduced to splinters and the rest of the clinic was just as bad. The cots were broken, the crates overturned and their contents scattered throughout the clinic. The papers that Anders had in his desk were also scattered and the desk itself was canted at an odd angle, one of the legs broken off.

When they hadn’t found Anders in the clinic it was like the Templars had thrown a childish fit. Fenris didn’t think that they had taken anything, just broken and scattered things. He watched as Anders dug frantically through the rubble in little corner that had been theirs. Anders stood upright and sighed in relief, holding the pillow that had been his mothers. Fenris suddenly wondered how he’d gotten it if he’d left the tower with nothing but the clothes Cullen had dressed him in. 

Some of his curiosity must have shown because Anders smiled and said, “Karl sent it to me. Right before he was transferred to Kirkwall.” His smile faltered as he looked around his ruined clinic. “What a mess.”

Fenris picked his way carefully to where Anders stood. “This place is not safe,” he said. 

“We can find another spot,” Anders said looking over at Fenris. “Set up another clinic. Do you think Hawke would help us gather some of the things we need?”

“Probably, Varric might be able to help as well,” said Fenris.

“Let’s see what we can salvage,” Anders said. 

The determination in his voice pleased Fenris and he smiled as they began shifting broken things to find what could still be used. After working all morning the fruits of their labor filled the big kettle they used to wash laundry in. The pot Anders used to brew potions in and some bandages besides their extra clothing was all that was still intact.

Only a little disheartened they left the big kettle in Hawke’s cellar and climbed the stairs to find Hawke and Varric. They had a new home to find.


	8. Chapter 8

Fenris and Anders only spent about two weeks in Hawke’s guest room. Hawke had offered to let them stay longer but both politely refused. For Fenris, it was the witch. Her presence irritated him to no end. He was grateful Hawke had let them stay while they found a new home, still in Darktown, but if he had to spend another night listening to her cheerfully ignorant prattle he just might throttle her.

Varric had pulled some strings and they had found a new space that was similar to the old one fairly quickly. There was only one door that led into the main room where the clinic would be set up. The biggest difference was there was an actual room off of the main one where Fenris and Anders could sleep. There was another door in that room that led out into a different area of Darktown.

They had spent most of the two weeks cleaning the new clinic out. Filth was piled everywhere. When it had all been cleared away Fenris and Anders had spent quite a lot of time scrubbing floors and walls. Hawke provided them with a new bed and cots that weren’t new but were in much better shape than the old ones. Between anonymous donations and their other friends the clinic was as well stocked as it was before.

Three more weeks had passed and Anders had resumed his secret missions again like Templars weren’t surely watching him. When he wasn’t healing or sneaking mages out of the Gallows he was brewing potions. Fenris had gone with him on several gathering treks around Sundermount and the Wounded Coast. The smell of elfroot was thick in the air of the clinic even when the pot was empty and the fire out.

Their lives had drifted back to normal quickly but Fenris couldn’t forget all he’d learned. Anders acted pretty much as he had before he’d told his story, the memories dealt with and buried once more. Fenris avoided the Gallows more than he had before. He’d still ended up there on a few occasions with Hawke and after his search of the Tranquil he could do nothing but glare at the Knight-Captain. Cullen seemed unperturbed by his glares or Hawke’s sudden cold attitude toward him. He was just as polite as he had been.

Varania had actually written a letter back to him but she was skeptical. Somehow between everything else he’d managed to write another letter. He’d written about the few memories he had with her and included his given name at the bottom, provided by Anders. The letter had been sent and he was hopeful that it would convince her that he was who he claimed to be. There was nothing to do but wait and hope.

It was getting late and Fenris was almost alone in their new home. With Anders gone at some sort of meeting it fell to him to fix up the young man that had wandered in. He had what looked like a shallow stab wound in his calf. Fenris cleaned the wound and was in the process of stitching it closed when the door opened.

Fenris looked up briefly and frowned before turning back to the young man. The person that had just walked in looked perfectly healthy to him at first glance. It was hard to tell anything about the person because of the hooded cloak that hid him near completely. Whoever it was stood off to one side of the door and seemed to be waiting.

As he finished the stitches and wrapped the young man’s calf, Fenris looked up at the mysterious person again. Their posture was stiff with hands clasped loosely behind them. It didn’t look like this person was wearing plate but leather armor wouldn’t be out of the question under the billowing cloak. It would also easily hide a dagger.

This person made no aggressive moves, merely stood and waited patiently. Fenris tied the bandage off without looking away from the stranger. He absently gave the young man instructions, come back right away if the wound smells or changes color, keep it clean and to come back in a week to see about removing the stitches. The young man looked nervously between them, nodded and hurried out the door.

Fenris stood and looked for his sword. It was lying on a nearby cot, easily grabbed if he had to charge the stranger. The cloaked figure turned and shut the door and Fenris crouched slightly when he heard the lock slide into place. He moved slowly around the cot that was in front of him, giving him a clear line of sight to the stranger who had turned to face him. 

“Leave,” Fenris growled.

His hands slowly pushed back the hood. Fenris snarled at the familiar face and closed the distance between them in an instant. He put all of his considerable strength behind the fist that he aimed at Cullen’s soft midsection. The Templar, his eyes wide in surprised pain, doubled over Fenris’ fist air rushing out of him in a groan. Fenris shoved him to the side and Cullen landed on the floor of the clinic gasping for breath. He rolled onto his back, his arms crossed over his stomach. The markings flared to life as Fenris knelt beside him and placed his hand over the Templar’s heart.

“Give me an excuse,” he growled quietly.

Cullen shook his head as he gasped for air. “Warn…you…,” Cullen said between coughs.

“You’re warning is the only thing keeping you alive,” said Fenris angrily. “I promised him I wouldn’t kill you but if you make one mistake…”

“I have paid for my indiscretions,” Cullen said slowly.

“Not nearly enough,” Fenris said menacingly. He leaned down until his face was only inches from Cullen’s. “I thought you didn’t approve of taking advantage of your charges.”

“I was young…one moment of weakness…he was always so full of life,” Cullen said. His voice was soft and calm but his eyes were haunted. Fenris sat up as he continued speaking. “I watched him deteriorate. Greagoir meant him to turn. Wanted to be rid of a problem.”

“That doesn’t explain why you turned him into your slave,” Fenris spat.

“I should have pushed him away…it was inappropriate and I knew that. I couldn’t resist…when I found him crying…I knew then what I’d done. It was too late to fix it.”

“Then why did you keep fucking him if you knew it was wrong?” Fenris asked quietly and his hand sunk into Cullen’s chest a tiny bit.

“I had to,” said Cullen, anger finally creeping onto his features. “Sex was the only sort of affection he understood. You don’t know how close he came to succumbing that week after.”

“An excuse,” Fenris said pushing his hand deeper.

“No,” Cullen said wincing at the pain in his chest. He made no move to defend himself however. “If I hadn’t cared about him I would have let him stay in the dungeon. I could have gotten out before the doors were closed.”

Fenris stood suddenly and backed away a couple of steps. “And you cared enough to send him out alone? You could have gone with. Why did you stay at all?”

Cullen took a deep breath as he sat up and leaned against the wall. His hands still clutching his stomach, his feet flat on the floor and his knees bent. The cloak pooled around him and he looked up at Fenris. “It was a perfect opportunity. With the tower in that state it would be a long time before anyone thought to look for him. I wanted to go with him but I couldn’t. I wanted him like he was…full of life…not the subservient creature I turned him into. If he was to ever find himself again I couldn’t be there. I stayed to give him a chance…and Uldred made sure I paid for my mistakes every second he held me in that prison. I couldn’t truly help him then…but I can now.”

Silence fell as they stared at one another. Fenris was unsure what to think. His reasons made a strange sort of sense. Had Cullen actually cared for Anders like he claimed? Could the whole thing really have been an unfortunate accident? Fenris decided suddenly that it didn’t matter. Whether purposeful or accidental Cullen was clearly remorseful but before either of them could say anything else the sound of the lock being drawn rang loudly in the silent room.

They turned to the opening door and Anders stepped inside. He closed the door and turned to Fenris with a puzzled expression. “Fenris, why did you lock the door?” he asked.

Fenris turned his gaze to the Templar sitting against the wall near the door. Anders followed his gaze and froze. Fenris watched as he fought his demon for control, the blue cracks opening and closing at a rapid pace. He took a step toward Anders but stopped when he held out his hand. The blue cracks faded one last time and Fenris felt a small surge of pride for his Mage.

“What do you want?” Anders asked coldly.

*

Anders trudged home from the meeting with a heavy heart. The rumor he’d feared the most had become fact. Apostate’s families were being targeted by Meredith. Just being with him would put Fenris in grave danger. Still contemplating what to do with this information he looked up and saw that the lamp was still lit. After blowing it out he turned the door handle and was completely surprised when he found the door locked.

He dug through his pockets to find his key, unlocked the door and stepped inside. Looking up at Fenris, who stood in front of the nearest cot, he asked, “Fenris, why did you lock the door?”

Instead of speaking, Fenris turned his head and Anders followed his gaze. The very last person he ever expected to see in Darktown…Knight-Captain Cullen. Justice pushed his way to the surface with an inarticulate snarl and Anders fought to keep him down.

Stop!

**He has wronged us.**

He also let me go.

**Justice must be served.**

Justice…or vengeance? Remember Alrik? Remember how easily Corypheus took control of us? Let me handle this.

Anders held his hand up and Fenris stopped as Justice receded to the back of his mind. “What do you want?” he asked coldly.

Cullen stood calmly, one arm pushing against the wall and the other pressed to his stomach. He faced Anders like he hadn’t just witnessed a possessed mage nearly lose control. “You are both in grave danger,” he said glancing at Fenris. “Meredith knows your helping mages escape and she will stop at nothing to halt it.”

“And just how do you know I help mages escape?” asked Anders.

“I’m privy to a lot of things she knows. It’s part of how I’m able to steer patrols away from your clinic. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop the last one but she suspects me. You should both leave Kirkwall. I can’t protect you anymore without revealing…certain things. Even the Champion’s protection extends only so far.”

“I can’t.”

“Anders please…,” Cullen said a note of desperation entering his voice.

“You’ve given your warning,” Anders interrupted. “Get out.”

He sighed heavily and pulled up the hood of the cloak he wore. Cullen turned to Fenris and said, “You are in danger too. Please reconsider.”

“He has made his choice,” Fenris said calmly. “And I will stand by it.”

“For what it’s worth,” Cullen said quietly as the hood turned back to Anders. “I’m sorry.”

Anders took a step away from the door as Cullen started toward it. He passed Anders and without waiting for anything else to be said left and shut the door behind him. Taking a deep breath Anders turned to Fenris. He stood, his arms crossed over his chest with that smile Anders loved to see.

“What did you do?” Anders asked curiously.

Fenris’ smile turned to a smirk. “I only promised not to kill him. I didn’t say I wouldn’t hurt him.”

“He’s right,” said Anders quietly. “You _are_ in danger.”

“No more so than I was before,” Fenris said with a shrug. “Come.”

Anders turned to lock the door before following Fenris to their room, blowing lamps out on the way.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. Hit a block but it's gone now. =)

Just over a week had passed since Cullen’s unexpected visit. Anders had only been on one mission since then. He worried constantly for Fenris and his casual attitude towards the added threat was frustrating.

Three of the Underground’s runners had left Kirkwall suddenly and one had just disappeared completely, along with his father and young sister. It was only a matter of time before he was targeted again if Cullen was to be believed. Only it might be Fenris who suffered this time.

He looked at the little jar in his hands and moved to the back of the clinic to sit at his desk. Fenris sat on one of the cots with a whetstone and his sword. Anders had learned to ignore the steady scraping noise, it had been irritating the first time Fenris had sharpened his sword. Pulling the cork out of the jar, he shook out the scrap of parchment that was inside.

It was pretty standard, pick up mage here, tunnels used, hand off mage to caravan at Smugglers Cut. It was the note written in at the bottom that made him frown. In handwriting that was different from the rest of the note’s that looked suspiciously like Carver’s messy scrawl. Two words, but definitely meant for Anders.

_Bring Fenris_

Anders looked up at the elf in question and found him absorbed in his sword. He’d only taken Fenris on one mission, before he’d been turned back into an adult. When they’d been in the Gallows earlier that day, Carver hadn’t questioned who the elf boy was. He’d simply demanded to know what had happened to Fenris. Could the Templar from that night have been Carver?

Just how long had Carver been helping the Mage Underground? Long before he was Anders’ informant it seemed. Fenris hadn’t had much choice then. It was either come with or be left alone in the clinic. This time however, no matter the danger those two words implied, Fenris did have a choice. He never asked anything about these missions. Anders knew he worried but he also knew that helping mages escape wouldn’t have been Fenris’ first choice. No, Fenris wouldn’t be willing to come with even if he was in danger.

The silence of the clinic finally struck him and his eyes refocused on Fenris. The sword was still sitting on his knees but he held the whetstone just above the edge, eyes focused on Anders with one brow raised. “I didn’t think you found sword maintenance so interesting,” Fenris said in a slightly teasing manner.

Anders smiled and said, “I don’t. I’m more interested in the elf holding the sword.”

“Then why do you look so…unhappy?”

“I’m just sad I won’t be able to go with you to the Hanged Man tonight,” Anders said as he turned the note to ashes. “You _are_ going to card night?”

Fenris grimaced and the slightly grating sound of the whetstone resumed. “Of course, is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

“Oh, no reason,” Anders said standing up. He walked over to stand in front of Fenris. “Just wouldn’t want you to miss out on the fun.”

Surely he would be safe there. The Hanged Man was always busy and he’d be surrounded by their friends. Even Meredith wouldn’t try anything in Hawke’s presence. His smile turned to a smirk as Anders knelt in front of Fenris, his hands sliding up his shins.

“Perhaps I can polish your sword for you,” Anders said suggestively.

“Hmmm,” Fenris said as he moved the sword and whetstone to the cot. “Now that sounds like fun.” 

Anders grinned as he scooted closer letting his hands slide over Fenris’ knees and up his thighs to the waist of his leggings, anticipating the sounds he would drag out of the elf. There was still a bit of time before he had to leave and a little bit of fun was as good a way to pass the time as any.

***

With the cloak’s hood pulled up, Anders navigated the tunnels mostly by memory. He’d been down here so often it was hard for him to get lost even when he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. Busy scanning the caves for smugglers and spiders, most of his thoughts were on Fenris. The stubborn elf had still been in the clinic when he left. He had said that he’d go to the Hanged Man after his sword was properly cared for.

He couldn’t regret interrupting Fenris though. All the soft moans, feeling his hands at the back of his head urging him down further

**Stop this. We have work to do.**

You are no fun.

At the strong wave of disapproval he felt from the spirit, Anders refocused his thoughts on the task at hand. Smugglers Cut was fairly close so he should be back by morning if not a little before. He paused at the doorway, like he always did when he had to pick up a mage at this particular spot. Remembering the little mage girl they…he had almost killed.

Taking a deep breath he opened the door and a helmeted Templar waited at the bottom of the stairs where Ser Alrik had been. Next to him, stood a girl who could barley be called a woman. She might have been pretty once, she still was really, despite the jagged scar that ran down her cheek. It began at her temple and ended at the corner of her mouth, giving her a perpetual frown. The poor girl was clearly terrified of the Templar that stood next to her, even though he was the one that had led her down here.

“Damn it Anders,” the Templar swore as he ripped off his helmet. “Where’s Fenris?”

Short black hair, blue eyes that he was sure had more than a few maidens swooning after him, a voice one could get lost in and a temper worse than Qunari gaatlok. “Hello Carver,” Anders said shortly pushing back his hood. “Why am I not surprised.”

“Where’s Fenris?” he repeated angrily. “You have no idea what I had to do to get you this run.”

“On his way to the Hanged Man probably. Why?”

“Because you were supposed to bring him with you, you bloody stupid mage!”

“I’m not going to force him to do something he doesn’t want to. What’s this about?”

Carver ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Because he’s walking into a trap.”

Anders snorted, “At the Hanged Man? She can’t be that stupid.”

“She’s not!” Carver hissed taking a step forward. “She doesn’t know where your new clinic is. Cullen has them running circles in another part of the Undercity. Since neither of you bother to hide your habits an ambush was planned to capture you both _before_ you got to the Hanged Man!”

“And he’s walking into it alone…Andraste’s knickers!” Anders turned and began to run, dread settling into the pit of his stomach.

“Where is she going?” Carver called after him.

“Smuggler’s Cut,” he yelled without looking back.

Anders retraced his earlier route at a dead run taking steps two at a time. He only paused long enough to get the trapdoor open and kicked it shut again as he tore up the steps and along the path they normally took to get to Lowtown. Another set of stairs and he smelled the foundries as the sky appeared above him. He heard the sound of steel striking steel over his panting breath and followed it. There were so many of them…and he was trapped in a dead end.

“Nooooooo!” Anders shouted grabbing his staff as his vision took on a Fade blue tint.

*

They all paused at the angry sound of that one word. Fenris panted, his sword held in front of him defensively, his markings fully lit and backed away from the bodies at his feet. He knew who had yelled. He even heard the way his voice had deepened before the sound began echoing off of the walls in the narrow alley.

“Down!” the demon yelled as a purple glyph appeared under his feet. 

Fenris could only do as it asked and he crouched, his sword still in front of him, and made himself as small as possible. He watched Anders’ silhouette at the end of the alley, his demon in full control. A green glyph just in front of him, blocking the Templars way to the opening of the alley appeared, followed by a green tube of light that caught the closest ones. Another spell cast and lightening flickered almost everywhere in the small alley. Fenris dropped his sword and covered his ears as each line of deadly light flickered out with a boom. He watched as it arced from one armored figure to another. When the last of it flickered out there were only two dazed Templars left on their feet. A well placed shot of ice froze them both and he began walking forward, unhurriedly attaching the staff back in place. Picking up a sword, the demon shattered both of them as he walked by, dropping the sword moments later.

Fenris let his markings die out and sat heavily on the ground, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily. The purple glyph disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared and the demon stopped just a few feet from him. 

“You are hurt,” the demon said quietly in his echoing voice.

He felt the familiar feel of his healing spell and Fenris was surprised but tried to keep from showing it. The demon didn’t heal things, it destroyed things. Fenris gazed up, watching warily. It crouched down, forearms resting on his knees with a stern expression.

“You should take her threats seriously,” the demon said calmly. “He cares a great deal for you.”

“Her?” Fenris asked, confused by the strange topic and that it was speaking calmly. 

“Meredith. The Knight-Captain warned you both and Hawke’s brother tried to protect you both. If the mages’ lot is to improve in this city that woman must be taken care of.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Fenris asked.

“You can help them…as you have helped me…helped _us_ ,” the demon said. It reached into a pocket and held out something. “I am colored by everything he is. Continue to help us to banish the anger and hate.”

Fenris held his hand out and the demon dropped an amulet into his hand. The amulet they had found on Corypheus. He looked up into its swirling blue eyes and the demon looked calmly back for a few seconds. The blue faded and the warm amber color of his lover’s eyes became stronger as the shining blue cracks closed up, sealing the demon inside.

Anders looked around fearfully and said quietly, “Dear Maker.”

Putting the amulet around his own neck, Fenris grabbed his sword and stood. Taking Anders’ hand, he pulled the mage up with him. Still holding his hand tightly, Fenris ran for the mouth of the alley and for the safety of the Hanged Man.


	10. Chapter 10

“Fenris!” Anders exclaimed. “Let go we’re glowing!”

He didn’t let go of Anders completely but Fenris moved his grip up to his wrist. Fenris didn’t stop running until the door of the tavern was safely shut behind them. Walking quickly, they made their way through the throng of people up the stairs and into Varric’s private suite. Stopping just inside the door, most of their friends looked up from the cards. Only Sebastian and Isabela were missing.

Hawke paused, his mug of ale halfway to his mouth. “Time to clear out the gangs again?” he asked sounding amused.

Fenris looked down briefly and noted the gore he was half covered in and shook his head. “I was attacked by Templars,” he said quietly. “If Anders had not arrived when he did…”

“You weren’t together?” Aveline asked. 

“I had…something to take care of,” Anders said.

“Right,” Hawke said frowning. “There’s something you two aren’t telling me but we’ll get to that later. Aveline, escort these two to my estate and make sure they don’t leave.” He stood and guzzled the last of his ale. “The rest of you with me. Looks like we have another mess to clean up.”

Aveline stood and gestured. Anders frowned but said nothing as he turned to walk out the door. Fenris simply followed, preoccupied by the demon’s plea for help.

***

The night passed and they spent it in one of the guest rooms at Hawke’s estate. Fenris knew Aveline wouldn’t leave until Hawke returned and placated a frustrated Anders. Neither of them had told Hawke of Cullen’s visit to the clinic. Things were spiraling quickly out of control and as much as he hated to admit it, the demon was right. Knight-Commander Meredith needed to be taken care of.

When they woke the next morning they dressed and then made their way to the kitchen for breakfast. The first thing Fenris noticed was the lack of Hawke’s servants. The dwarves and Orana usually ate with Hawke, it was one of those things Fenris liked about him but his neighbors hated. They were mysteriously absent this morning and in their place was Carver.

“Carver,” Anders said in surprise.

His Templar armor was missing, wearing instead the sleeveless white shirt and trousers he had before joining their order. At hearing his name, Carver looked up. He and Anders exchanged a look and Carver nodded slightly before turning back to his plate. The last thing he noticed was Hawke, sitting at the head of the table and he was furious.

Leandra’s death had changed him. Hawke still had a horrible sense of humor but that hard inner core that he’d always had was closer to the surface. He had become incredibly protective of the family he had left and that Carver was here in the estate, could mean nothing good. As he walked forward Fenris wondered if the people Hawke had gathered around him counted as family. He could only hope the man wasn’t angry with him and Anders.

Fenris sat across from Carver and Anders sat next to him. A plate of food sat in front of them and like Carver, Anders dug in and ignored the others sitting at the table. Fenris picked up his fork and pushed egg around on his plate, taking an occasional bite, waiting for something to be said. His wait wasn’t long.

“Now that we’re all here, would someone like to tell me just what in the bloody void went on last night?” Hawke asked sounding cheerful.

Anders and Carver were both intent on their plates. Fenris sighed and said, “What would you like to know?”

“Why you were attacked by Templars for one, why Anders wasn’t with you, why my brother has been suspended for deserting his post!” Hawke said, his voice slowly losing its cheerful tone. “One of you had better start talking.”

Anders sighed heavily before setting his fork down. “I’ve been sneaking mages out of the Gallows,” he said staring at the table. “You already know that, but that’s where I was supposed to be last night. Escorting another mage out of Kirkwall. Carver was the one who’d gotten her to us. He left me a note, telling me to bring Fenris along but I didn’t.”

“It would have been fine if you’d have brought him,” Carver said around a mouthful of potato.

Hawke smacked him on the back of the head and said tersely, “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” They glared at each other for a few seconds before Carver turned back to his plate. Hawke turned back to Anders and asked, “So why didn’t you bring him?”

“I wouldn’t have gone with even if he had asked,” Fenris said starting to feel annoyed. “I do not exactly agree with what he does. It’s the best option of many bad ones but I have no desire to help fill Thedas with apostates.”

“Let me guess the rest,” Hawke said. “Carver warned Anders of the attack and he left to help Fenris. Carver then escorted the mage to where ever, deserting his post in the process and then being suspended by the Knight-Commander when he got back.”

“It could have been worse,” Carver said. “Meredith suspected where I was but there was no proof. Cullen convinced her that a suspension was the worst they could realistically do.” Carver turned to Anders and said angrily, “He’s been taking a lot of heat for your ungrateful ass.”

“I never asked him to,” Anders said irritably.

“Both of you shut up,” Hawke said calmly. He scratched his beard thoughtfully. “I don’t understand why they would attack Fenris.”

“They were surprised when Anders wasn’t with me,” Fenris said. “One of them said to attack anyway. An example, to hurt Anders or maybe just because they didn’t like me it doesn’t matter. It won’t stop and it’s only going to get worse.”

Silence fell over the table and Anders covered his face with his hands. Carver sighed and looked over at his brother. “The Underground is in trouble. Meredith knows and is systematically getting rid of them by any means. Their family and friends are viable targets and Anders has been a thorn in her side for many years. She won’t stop until he’s dead or Tranquil. She also doesn’t care who gets in her way. That includes you Brother.”

“She’s been looking for an excuse to throw me in the Gallows since she declared me Champion,” Hawke said dismissively. “Meredith might not be the whole problem in the Gallows.”

“She’s the biggest one,” Anders said dropping his hands to the table. “What could possibly be worse than her?”

“Orsino,” Hawke said his expression unusually serious. “You remember that night we found my mother? That note we found by the books on necromancy? The one simply signed ‘O’?”

“Oh Andraste’s flaming knickers,” Anders said shaking his head. “No wonder we can’t make any progress.”

Carver looked confused for a moment but stood so abruptly his chair clattered to the floor. His hands clenched into fists at his side and Fenris watched his face turn red with rage. “That bloody bastard!” he exclaimed. 

“Sit down Carver,” Hawke said calmly.

“He helped that madman kill Mother and you’re telling me to sit? How can you be so bloody calm?” Carver exclaimed angrily.

“I am angry,” Hawke said. His voice was calm but his eyes glinted with held in anger. “Sit.”

“This isn’t just any mage Hawke,” Fenris said cautiously as Carver huffed out an angry breath before righting his chair and flopping down in it. “Orsino is the First Enchanter, are you absolutely sure?”

“I have no concrete proof but I am positive. I’ve been trying to find out who wrote that note since we found it,” said Hawke. Some of his usual cheerfulness crept back into his voice as he said, “I never thought yours would be the voice of reason.”

Fenris smirked. “You may wish to take that back in a moment,” he said. Fenris turned to Anders and said, “Do you know what your demon told me last night?”

“It’s…fuzzy,” Anders said uncomfortably. “He pushed me so far back…”

“He told me to be serious, that Meredith had to be taken care of and then asked me keep helping both of you,” Fenris said and held up a hand for silence. “We can speak of the last one later but he was right about Meredith. It seems the Gallows is in need of new leadership.”

Hawke thought for a moment and then grinned broadly. “I like the way you think,” he said brightly. “With Meredith gone a new Viscount can be chosen as well.”

“Hold on a second,” Anders said putting a hand to his temple. “You’re suggesting we get rid of Meredith and Orsino? Even if we can accomplish that miracle, how do we know the person who replaces them won’t be worse?”

“That’s easy,” Hawke said. “We’ll choose who to put there.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Brother,” Carver said shaking his head. “I think the Grand Cleric chooses the Knight-Commanders or one of the higher ups in Val Royeaux does. The First Enchanter is chosen from the Senior Enchanters.”

“I don’t care about how it’s been done before,” Hawke said. “Their way created this mess and I’m not going to let those two or anyone else tear this city apart. I want a sympathetic Knight-Commander who takes his duty to protect mages seriously and a First Enchanter that knows the pitfalls of magic. Two people who can work together instead of being at each other’s throats.”

“You have someone in mind?” Fenris asked curiously.

“I do as a matter of fact,” Hawke said smugly. “Despite a few dodgy choices in the past, Knight-Captain Cullen has proven loyal and protective.”

“And the First Enchanter?” Anders asked with a frown.

“You.”

Fenris turned and saw all the color had drained from his face. He wasn’t quite sure which emotion was more prevalent, shock or horror. “You do realize how much time I’ve spent trying to stay _out_ of the circle?” he asked after a short pause.

“Garrett you can’t be serious,” Carver said. He sounded almost as shocked as Anders looked. “He’s an apostate. A _possessed_ apostate!”

“I am serious Carver,” Hawke said, gaze held steady on Anders.

“Why me?” Anders asked. “I have got to be about the worst example ever.”

“You have seen some of the worst things mages can do.” Hawke said seriously. “You sleep in the same bed as a prime example of the horrors mages can inflict on people and yet you still fight. You still care about the ones who are held unjustly accountable for the actions of others. There is no simple solution to this Anders. _We are dangerous_. Do we deserve to be locked up and treated like property…no. Should we be watched…probably.”

“Hawke…I just don’t know,” Anders said looking down at his plate. “What about,”

“Justice?” Fenris interrupted. Suddenly all of them were staring at him. He didn’t think he’d ever called the thing possessing Anders as anything other than a demon. Its plea for help last night had him wondering though. “You are gaining control.”

“You’re influence,” Anders muttered looking back down at his plate.

“If you choose this, then I will be at your side. I said that I wouldn’t leave you and I plan on keeping that promise…just as you have kept yours,” he said quietly. 

“Fenris,” Anders said softly looking at him. “I’ll…have to think on it.”

“That’s all I can ask,” Hawke said with a hint of a smile. “In the meantime, Anders, go tell your people to lay low. There’s no reason to let Meredith get any more of them. Carver,” he said looking over at his still stunned little brother. “You contact your people and tell them to watch the mages in immediate danger closely. See if you can’t keep the nasty ones away somehow.”

“You’re really going through with this insane plan?” Carver asked. Hawke smirked and merely nodded. Carver shook his head. “You know, if anyone could pull this off it would be the mighty Champion of Kirkwall, Garrett Hawke. I’ll do whatever you need Brother.”

“Great!” Hawke said rubbing his hands together. “I’ll invite the good Knight-Captain over for a drink and we can convince him too. Oh, not a word of any of this to Aveline. She’s the only authority in this city with her head screwed on straight. I don’t want to jeopardize her position as Guard Captain. Oh Fenris, I almost forgot.” He pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket and set it on the table in front of Fenris. “Varric was going to give this to you last night but didn’t get the chance.”

Fenris picked up the envelope, broke the seal and scanned the single page of writing. “It’s from my sister,” he said slowly. “And she’ll be here next week.”

“That…was a little fast,” Anders said with a frown.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Hawke asked.

“You didn’t read her first letter Hawke,” Anders said.

Fenris handed the sheet to Anders and frowned. He couldn’t help but agree with him.


	11. Chapter 11

Anders sat on their bed in the clinic. The lamp outside was dark as were most inside. A single candle burned on the desk. Legs crossed, leaning against the wall, his staff across his lap he stared unseeing at the opposite wall. With the doors locked the only person who could disturb him was Fenris. He needed to be alone, to think.

He hardly tasted the rest of his breakfast. Eaten hurriedly he’d left immediately after with Carver on his heels. They had parted ways upon exiting the estate, Carver to speak with his Templar friends and Anders to seek out Mistress Selby. It had taken a while to convince her that Hawke was sincere. Anders suggested sending the remaining members to Starkhaven or Cumberland for safety. If they weren’t in Kirkwall Meredith could do nothing to them. Finally she agreed, after he’d told her that the mages would be looked after. With the rest of them preparing to leave he was the only one left.

Secretly, he agreed with Carver. His plan was insane but if anyone could pull off such a coup…it was Hawke. There was hope that the Circle of Magi, in Kirkwall at least, might change for the better. Cullen had lived through Uldred’s abominations, he was a firm believer but Anders knew him to be caring and devoted. But First Enchanter…could he really accept such a position of authority? Was he willing to give up most of his freedom to see things change?

Help me Justice…what should I do?

**I cannot. I am as lost as you are.**

Anders sighed and rolled his staff so that he could see the two stone dogs. The weak candlelight glinted off of the raven feather and he smoothed out some of the ridges. The other one almost glittered and he touched its nose lightly.

What did Fenris mean…you asked him for help?

**He calms the fires of your rage. I do not wish to be the demon he calls me.**

I’m so sorry.

**So am I my friend.**

“Mage?”

“Back here Fenris,” Anders called out quietly. Fenris opened the door and crossed the room quietly, maneuvering around the end of the staff to sit next to Anders on the bed. He was quiet but Anders found his presence soothing. “Does Hawke realize what he’s asking?”

“I believe he does,” Fenris said without hesitation.

“Can I do it? Am I capable?”

“I believe you are,” Fenris said gripping the staff next to where Anders held it. “You wish to change the system then start here. Lead the rest of the Circles by showing mages and Templars can work together.”

“I’ll have to live in the Gallows…you’d be among a lot of mages,” Anders said quietly looking over at him.

Fenris looked back calmly and said, “And you’ll be among many Templars.”

“True enough,” Anders said softly. “I don’t want to lose you…mages aren’t allowed relationships in the Circle.”

“Then it will be the first change you make. You aren’t going to lose me.”

Anders smiled. “Fenris…I love you,” he whispered. 

“I know,” Fenris said also smiling. “Come, Hawke wants us at the estate when the Knight-Captain arrives.”

***

Anders sat on the stairs in Hawke’s study, nervously twiddling his thumbs. Fenris was a solid comforting presence next to him, an open wine bottle on the stairs between his feet. Carver sat in one of the chairs, tapping a foot impatiently and Hawke stood by the fireplace with a glass of wine staring at the horrid statue above the mantle.

There were many reasons to be nervous. Confronting Cullen again being the least and that he was actually considering accepting the position of First Enchanter foremost. Just knowing that Fenris would stay with him gave him courage. He glanced over at the elf and quickly went back to studying the stair between his feet. He’d finally found enough courage to say those three words that had eluded him for so long. That Fenris hadn’t repeated them back to him didn’t bother him. Fenris was willing to follow him to the Circle and that was all the confirmation he needed.

A soft knock on the door caught all of their attention and they all watched the door open. Orana stepped through first followed by Cullen’s bulky shape behind her. She gestured to the empty chair next to Carver, then turned to Hawke and curtseyed before shutting the door behind Cullen.

The Knight-Captain, in his gleaming armor, surveyed the room quickly. He didn’t seem surprised to see Carver but his gaze lingered on Anders and Fenris a moment before continuing on to Hawke. “Champion,” he said politely.

“Have a seat,” Hawke said. Anders thought he was trying for cheerful but ended up with something else entirely. Just what it was he couldn’t say. “Would you like some wine, whisky perhaps?” That at least sounded polite, if a little forced.

“You aren’t going to hit me too are you?” Cullen asked cautiously.

“Hit you? Why would I hit you?” Hawke asked in confusion.

“Their presence,” he said waving a gauntleted hand in the direction of the stairs. “Tells me that this isn’t just a friendly chat.”

Hawke turned to look at them with an eyebrow raised. Anders saw Fenris smirk before he took a long pull on the wine bottle. Shaking his head, Hawke turned back to Cullen. “No, as fun as that sounds, I’m not going to hit you. I have…a proposition for you.” Hawke gestured to the chair. “Would you like a glass of wine?”

“No thank you,” Cullen said as he turned to sit in the chair. “Does this proposition have anything to do with them?”

“In a way it will affect every man, woman and child in this city,” Hawke said setting his glass down on top of the mantle. “Let me say this first, I know of your history with Anders and I also know you’ve been protecting him. Knowing that, I still believe that you are one of the only Templars in the Gallows that isn’t a complete jackass. I want Meredith and Orsino gone. I want you to take her place as Knight-Commander and I would like Anders to be made First Enchanter.”

Cullen looked over at Anders sharply, his expression unreadable. “I haven’t agreed to anything yet,” Anders said.

“I can understand why you would want the Knight-Commander gone,” Cullen said frowning. “Some of the men believe she has gone mad but why do you want First Enchanter Orsino gone as well?”

“Because he helped the bastard that killed our mother,” Carver growled.

“A serious accusation. Do you have any proof?” Cullen said seriously.

“I have this note,” Hawke said taking an old looking folded piece of paper from off the mantle and handed it to Cullen. “Found under the foundry where Mother was taken, among books on necromancy. I realize it’s not much but there’s no one else who could have had access to those sorts of books.”

Cullen’s frown deepened and he was quiet while he refolded the paper and handed it back to Hawke. “Still, that’s hardly concrete,” he said slowly. “That would explain a few…odd things though.” He shook his head and looked up at Hawke. “What you’re asking is treason.”

“What I’m asking, _Knight-Captain_ , is for you to do your job,” Hawke said harshly. “Did you know that mages families are being targeted by Meredith? Fenris was attacked by Templars last night simply because he lives with Anders. How many others haven’t been so lucky?”

“I know some of my men haven’t reported in,” Cullen said his eyes narrowing. “I take it they won’t be found?”

“They won’t be,” Fenris said.

“When will it end Ser Cullen?” Carver asked. “How long will it take until I’m a target because she can’t get to Garrett?”

“Why not take your complaints to Grand Cleric Elthina?” Cullen asked.

“She isn’t going to do anything,” Anders said bitterly. “She’s determined that they’ll work it out on their own. Meredith and Orsino can do nothing but argue. If this situation is going to get better someone has to do something.”

“And how do you know that we won’t do the same?” said Cullen quietly looking intently at Anders.

“Look,” Hawke said breaking the silence that followed. “I think you care about your duty and I know Anders cares about the mages. Despite your history I think you can work together to make their lives better.”

“I am grateful,” Anders said quietly. “But the Circle doesn’t work as it is now. We’ve both seen some of the worst things that can happen. I’m willing to give a little if you are.”

“This is completely unorthodox and likely to get us all killed…but I’ll agree only if Anders will,” Cullen said looking up at Hawke.

Anders grabbed the wine bottle and took a few swallows to steady his shaking hands. He then stood and faced Cullen. “Before I agree to anything, there are a couple of things that must change immediately. These are not negotiable. I want the brutality to stop. No more beatings, no more rapes. We are people not property.”

“It might take me a while, but I agree,” Cullen said, standing as well.

“Mages are to be allowed to have relationships and keep their children. Even slaves in Tevinter are allowed to keep their children for a time,” Anders said.

“The Chantry won’t like that,” said Cullen his eyes moving to Fenris for a second.

“I don’t care what they won’t like.” Anders said passionately. “Their rules have been followed for hundreds of years and look at where it’s gotten us. If you want an example of how well a mage can raise a child you have to two sitting in this very room.” He flung his arms out, one pointing at Hawke and the other at Carver. “People fall in love all the time but only mages are punished for it.”

“Very well, but I am going to put one exception to that. Relationships between mages and Templars will still be off limits. There is too great a chance of abuse…on both sides,” said Cullen. He held out his hand. “Do we have an accord?”

Anders closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I can’t believe I’m doing this, he thought stepping forward. He clasped Cullen’s hand and said in a surprisingly steady voice, “We do.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alone happens in this chapter but we're pretty far off of canon now so dialogue is way off. =)

For the next week Hawke and Carver practically lived at the Hanged Man with Varric. The three of them had their heads together planning the best way to do the nearly impossible, assassinate the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter of the Kirkwall Circle of Magi. That he was actually taking the time to plan told Anders just how serious he was. His normal plans were charge in and deal with it when we get there.

Cullen had been told to act natural. He would be contacted when the plan was ready. Anders had been told much the same. He’d spent almost the whole week in the clinic. Half the time he was depressed and the other half hopeful. At the expense of his freedom, something he had worked hard to keep, he had a chance to make a difference. A chance to change the cruelties inflicted upon mages for centuries by a few powerful zealots that had turned the masses against them.

Kirkwall was only one city, just one circle. If he could change things here, show the people that mages could be trusted. Show them that the brutal treatment was unjust and unnecessary. He still didn’t like the idea of being watched constantly but there was too much evidence that proved mages did need to be watched, Hawke’s mother, Uldred, every magister in the Tevinter Imperium…himself. Anders didn’t regret his decision to join with Justice but he recognized now what a bad idea it had been from the start.

Anders was also nervous about Fenris’ sister. In her first letter she had been doubtful and even a bit contemptuous. The second letter seemed to be full of hope and love. It was simply too big of a change and he didn’t trust it. Fenris was also skeptical but he still wanted to see her. Anders was glad Hawke, Carver and Varric would already be at the Hanged Man. Neither he nor Fenris could shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Her letter said that she would wait in the tavern for a week. She would probably arrive today but Fenris said that she could wait until tomorrow. Fenris had been awake for a while by the time Anders woke. He had both of their packs ready for a short trip and he had waited patiently for Anders to dress and had led him out of Darktown and then Kirkwall all together. 

Fenris led them to a beautiful but deserted spot on the Wounded Coast. Anders watched curiously as Fenris spread a blanket down on the sand and began spreading out different kinds of food. There were muffins, cheese, crackers, exotic fruit, little bits of ham, crusty rolls and a few other things that could be traveled with easily.

“What’s all this about?” Anders asked sitting next to Fenris on the blanket.

“We’re going to spend the day here,” Fenris said. His sword had already been placed within easy reach behind him and Anders put his staff next to the sword as Fenris removed his gauntlets. “I…am proud of you. I know it wasn’t an easy choice…but like you have in the past you have put them above yourself.”

“Fenris…” said Anders softly.

He placed a finger on Anders’ lips. It was removed quickly before the magical reaction could envelop them completely. Anders remained silent however and after a moment Fenris began speaking again. “You’ve never told anyone else about that year you spent in solitary, correct?”

“You and Hawke are the only people I’ve ever told,” he said picking up a grape and rolling it between his fingers.

“That night…you said that you would listen when I was ready.” Fenris paused and took a deep breath. “I am ready. I understand some of your hatred for Templars and I want you to understand mine. If Hawke’s plan works, we will have to depend on each other.”

“I already depend on you,” Anders said. “Just knowing that you’re willing to follow me…it gave me courage.”

Fenris looked down at his lap briefly before turning to face him. “My whole story would take far too long to tell.” He plucked the grape Anders was still rolling between his fingers and smiled as he held it up to his mouth. Anders leaned forward slightly and licked the tip of his finger as he took the grape between his teeth. Fenris smiled as he continued speaking. “While the markings were burned into my flesh my memory was taken away. Danarius used many tricks to ensnare me, I was his completely. I did many things for him. Not all as a body guard. I was an adored pet…his ‘little wolf’…and I came when he called. I slept on the floor at the foot of his bed, collared and leashed like a dog. He took me to his bed often. Always from behind, he never let me see him while he used me. If I soiled his sheets with my seed I was punished. The worst one I remember…he let every soldier in the villa have a turn with his prized pet…”

“Stop…please stop,” Anders said closing his eyes and shaking his head. He fought down the anger that made him shake. His own anger and indignation was being amplified by Justice. Mercifully, Fenris had fallen silent. When he could trust himself to speak he opened his eyes and found Fenris looking back at him, an unreadable expression on his face. “I know I said I’d listen…but I can’t…that’s so…cruel and inhuman.”

“That is merely the surface,” Fenris said calmly.

Anders leaned forward and pulled him into a tight hug. “I understand,” he whispered. He had never cared about Fenris controlling their sex life and he would continue to let him take the lead. It made sense to him why Fenris had never taken him from behind, why they were always facing each other, why Anders was always on the bottom even when Fenris was technically the bottom. A mage had controlled every part of his existence. That added to what he already knew…if he were Fenris, he’d probably hate mages too. “He’s a dead man.”

Fenris chuckled. “You’ll have to beat me to it,” he said quietly. Anders felt his arms around him and they stayed like that for a while. “Let’s enjoy the rest of the day,” Anders said as he pulled back. 

They spent most of the day on that little strip of beach, swimming, eating, talking, laughing, kissing and making love. Knowing a few of the things he’d had to get past only made the sex better, sweeter and more meaningful for Anders. They left at just before sunset and when they had gotten back to the clinic they made love again. As he lay on his side with Fenris’ seed trickling onto his thighs, Anders was at peace with his decision.

*

Fenris and Anders stood at the door to the Hanged Man the next day. They were both nervous and Fenris expected a trap. Before they had come they’d stopped by Hawke’s estate and Bodahn had told them that Hawke and Carver were already there as expected. Varric’s room was close enough to the common room that should anything go wrong they would hear it clearly.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping inside with Anders close behind him. One quick sweep of the few patrons in the tavern and Fenris saw her immediately. She was sitting at a table in the middle of the room, red hair, green eyes and he was flooded with memories. Playing with her while their mother hung laundry, late nights when their mother taught them both how to be good slaves and a competition of some sort that she didn’t want him to participate in.

“Varania…” Fenris said his voice full of emotion.

She looked up briefly and back down at the table. “Leto…it is you,” she said sadly.

“Why do you sound so sad?” asked Fenris in suspicion.

“It is a trap,” Anders said quietly from behind him. “On the stairs, that’s him isn’t it?”

He looked up at the stairs and saw Danarius descending. “Why?” Fenris growled looking back at Varania. 

“Now don’t blame your sister Fenris. She did what any good Imperial citizen would,” Danarius said stopping halfway down the stairs. “Is this your new master?” His voice was condescending and arrogant as he looked to Anders.

“Fenris is not a slave and you’re going to be dead in a few minutes,” Anders snarled angrily. 

Fenris waited a split second for the fireball he knew would be thrown and took an irreverent glee at the shocked look on Danarius’ face as he charged. Shades and abominations rose up around them and his sword was deflected by a shield. There were screams as people fled.

“Hawke!” Fenris yelled as loudly as he could before turning to the shades. 

“Oh no you don’t!” Anders exclaimed, still close to him, and he saw a familiar swirl of green energy.

Hawke and Carver appeared at the top of the steps and a familiar chaos of spells and bolts from Bianca erupted around him. Fenris lost himself to battle, hacking at the abominations and guards that were thrown at him. Danarius’ shield disappeared and was followed by an unfamiliar blast of energy.

“Damn it, Carver!” Hawke exclaimed loudly. “Warn me next time!”

Fenris turned to Danarius, who was doubled over at the bottom of the steps and he crossed the space in an instant. Dropping his sword he pulled his former master upright with a hand on his throat. “You are no longer my master!” he snarled before crushing his throat and dropping him to the floor.

Unnoticed the sounds of battle had died around him. He was a little disappointed at the pathetically easy fight but all that mattered is that he was dead. Danarius would never hurt anyone again. Anders stepped up to him with Varania, her arms pinned at her sides.

“Why?” he asked again as Hawke, Carver and Varric also joined them at the bottom of the steps.

“I had no choice,” she said sadly but defiantly. “He would have made me a magister.”

“You’re a mage!?!” Anders exclaimed. “You’d give your own brother up to that monster for power!?! Is _everyone_ in Tevinter crazy!?!”

His markings lit up and he plunged his hand into her chest. She gasped in pain and Fenris froze with her heart beating in his hand. Remembering Justice pleading for help a calm feeling swept over him. He slowly removed his hand and forced the markings to quiet. Taking hold of her arms just below where Anders held them, Fenris looked at him.

“If she is sent to the Circle, what will happen to her?” he asked. 

“She’ll be put in quarantine for a while. Depending on her abilities she’ll be harrowed. If there is any chance she’s malificar she’ll be executed or made Tranquil,” Anders said calmly.

“Quarantined for how long?” Fenris asked looking at Hawke. 

“Long enough,” Hawke said with a small smile.

“Do you understand?” Fenris asked looking back at Anders.

“Continue to help us banish the hate and anger,” he said quietly, almost as if he was repeating something being quoted to him. “I understand.” Anders let go of her shoulders.

Fenris turned and thrust her at Carver who caught her with a slightly surprised look on his face. “Perform your duty Templar,” Fenris said calmly. 

“What? No!” Varania exclaimed.

“Quiet,” Carver ordered. “You’re sure?” he asked when she wisely fell silent.

“Yes.”


	13. Chapter 13

Two days later Fenris and Anders sat in Hawke’s study along with Carver, Cullen and Varric. Fenris and Anders sat together on the stairs again while the other three sat in chairs in front of the fireplace. Both Cullen and Carver were wearing their Templar armor, Carver’s suspension ending when he brought in Varania. Everyone was quiet as they waited for Hawke.

Fenris tapped his knee impatiently even though they hadn’t been waiting for very long. They would be going over the plan tonight and he was eager to have it done. Varania had been in the Gallows for two days now and despite her betrayal, he worried about her. Knowing what he did of the Templars in Kirkwall, the sooner they got rid of Meredith and Orsino the sooner they could at least ensure her safety. He hoped that they could mend their relationship with time and patience.

He looked up as the door opened and Hawke closed it behind him. His normally cheerful face was unusually serious. “This is it. We go in tomorrow at nightfall,” he said. “Cullen and Carver are going to make sure the Mages are locked in their rooms. If we fail I don’t want them blamed.”

“What about the other Templars?” Anders asked frowning slightly.

“I’ve provided Junior and the other members of his little group with potent sleeping potions,” Varric said his voice also unusually serious. “They’re going to make sure the ones who are known to lick Meredith’s boots miss the fun.”

“Are they going to help?” asked Fenris.

“Only if they have to,” Carver said. “If this craziness doesn’t work they will be the only ones left to stand between the Knight-Commander and the Mages.”

“This is all we have,” Hawke said solemnly. “The six of us. Aveline doesn’t know about any of this and neither does Merrill.”

“Sebastian?” Fenris said.

“We can’t find him. He’s been out of town on some business or other for the last two weeks,” Hawke said, clearly irritated. “He was supposed to get back today but we still haven’t found him.” He began pacing in front of the fireplace. “We can still get this done. Orsino will be locked in his room with the rest of them and Meredith has been spending the nights in her office. Anders, Fenris, Varric and I will use the tunnels to get to the Gallows. Carver and the Knight-Captain will meet us there and we’ll split into two groups. One for Orsino and one for Meredith.”

“Three of us against Meredith?” Anders said incredulously. “That’s…”

“Suicide,” Cullen finished grimly. “She’s powerful and skilled. She also has a strange new sword.”

“That’s why I want you two and Varric to go after Meredith. Cullen, you know her best. Anders is the best healer I’ve ever come across and Varric is deadly with Bianca. If you have to, keep her busy and Fenris, Carver and I will come to help. It shouldn’t take long to deal with Orsino,” said Hawke.

Fenris didn’t like the idea of being separated from Anders and he glanced over at him. Grim determination was etched into every part of him and he stayed silent. He then looked over at Cullen, who seemed as calm and collected as he always did. The Knight-Captain met his eyes and nodded slightly before turning back to Hawke.

“Give the First Enchanter a chance to explain himself,” Cullen said. “Your proof is flimsy at best.”

“I don’t care about any explanations he might care to give,” Hawke growled back. “He helped the bastard that killed my mother.”

“I do,” Cullen stated flatly. “No matter what he says I promise you Anders will be made First Enchanter.”

Hawke shook his head and muttered something under his breath. “Very well,” he said calmly after a moment.

“Garrett,” Carver began angrily. 

“He’s right Carver,” Hawke interrupted. “Remember what Anders said before you took Fenris’ sister to the Gallows?”

“Something about banishing hate and anger,” Carver said. He thought for a moment in the silence that followed then barked out a short cheerless laugh. “I guess they aren’t the only ones with issues.”

“I’ll meet you three at Anders’ clinic just before sunset,” Hawke said. “You two had better get back before you’re missed.”

The mood was grim as they all went their separate ways. Fenris and Anders used Hawke’s cellar to reach Darktown. They spent the rest of the night keeping each other awake. They talked, played cards, checked their equipment over and over and fell asleep just before the sun rose. Fenris woke first. After having spent so many years in Darktown he knew sunset wasn’t far off. 

“Anders,” Fenris said shaking him gently.

He groaned softly and rolled onto his back. Stretching then rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands he said, “Is it time?”

“Nearly,” said Fenris sitting up. “We have time to eat before Hawke and Varric arrive.” 

They dressed in comfortable silence. Sitting close they ate a light breakfast. Neither of them spoke as they checked equipment one last time. Anders put all of his lyrium potions in his pouch and then passed a bunch of healing potions to Fenris. He arranged the healing potions that were left into two piles.

Fenris paced, filled with nervous anticipation and watched Anders wander through the clinic. He ran his fingers along one of the cots and disappeared into their room. After a moment Fenris stood in the doorway. He was sitting on their bed with his mother’s pillow on his lap. Running his fingers along the fading embroidery, he sighed.

“Second thoughts?” Fenris asked quietly. 

“No,” Anders said immediately. “Just…nervous.” There was a knock on the door and Anders stood. They heard the door open and he set the pillow down on the bed. With one last touch along the edge he said, “Let’s go.”

After giving Hawke and Varric their little pile of healing potions, Fenris and Anders followed Hawke out of the clinic. Anders hesitated, looking around once more before closing the door behind him, locking it out of habit. There was finality to the sound of the lock sliding home but Anders followed without looking back. 

Fenris thought the four of them must have looked pretty intimidating. Hawke and Varric were both unusually grim, Anders determined and Fenris felt as determined as Anders looked. This was important enough that he was sacrificing everything for them and Fenris could do no less. 

Over the years the residents of Darktown had gotten used to Hawke and his companions and normally they just ignored them. Tonight they gave the group a wide berth. There was none of the usual banter as they made their way to the tunnels and through them. The tunnels looked no different than the last time he’d been through them years ago with Hawke, Anders and Isabela.

It had been the start of their relationship years ago when Hawke and Isabela urged him to go after Anders. How fitting that these tunnels would signal another beginning. Hopefully the beginning of something better but he knew it wouldn’t be easy. There was no room for failure. Carver stood at the foot of the stairs, waiting for them. Next to him, Anders sought his hand. He led them up the stairs and into the lowest level of the Gallows where Cullen waited silently.

“Are we ready?” Hawke asked quietly. 

“Yes,” Cullen said. “May the Maker smile on us tonight.”

Varric moved to stand with Cullen, Hawke and Carver stood to one side waiting for him. Fenris pulled Anders close, one arm around his waist and the other on the back of his neck. The pleasant tingling spread along his markings as he pulled the mage to him for a kiss. He poured all of his emotions into it and Anders responded in kind, parting his lips slightly, their tongues moving against each other in a familiar dance. When they parted the Templars were staring at them, eyes wide. Both of them ignored the looks.

“Good luck,” Anders said quietly.

“Be safe,” Fenris said just as quietly.

He watched Anders, Cullen and Varric move off in one direction, talking quietly. Fenris turned and followed Hawke and Carver. They would succeed…failure wasn’t an option.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I've been intimidated by this battle for quite a while.

“What was that?” Cullen asked neutrally as he led them away from the others.

“It happens when his markings touch my skin,” Anders replied trying to keep irritation out of his voice. “I think it has something to do with Justice.”

Cullen frowned but fell silent as he led them through deserted corridors. It seemed strange for the hallways to be so empty. There were normally always Templars patrolling in Kinloch Hold and Anders thought the Gallows would only be worse. To see no one but themselves moving through the place was disconcerting.

They weren’t sneaking. Cullen led them boldly, his armor clanking with every step. Anders walked beside him and Varric followed quietly behind. As they rounded a corner a person in familiar white armor stood at the bottom of a set of stairs that Anders assumed would lead them up to the main level of the Gallows.

“Brother Sebastian,” Cullen said as he swept past and started up the stairs.

Sebastian fell in beside Varric and said quietly, “Knight-Captain Cullen.”

“What are you doing here?” Anders asked fiercely.

“A mage recently brought in wished to give a confession,” Sebastian said. “Knight-Captain Cullen approached me before I had left and explained your mission. I agreed to stay and help.”

“Why?” Anders asked suspiciously.

“Let’s ask questions later Blondie,” Varric said. “We can use another fighter.”

The eerie silence returned. Anders didn’t like his sudden appearance but couldn’t deny Varric’s statement. He’d never gotten along with Sebastian but he wasn’t about to let his personal feelings get in the way. Meredith needed to be killed and they would need all the help they could get. So he followed Cullen in silence, wondering what Varania had wanted to confess.

They met no one else and soon stood in front of Meredith’s office. Cullen paused looking back at them. Anders held his staff and nodded once. Without knocking Cullen opened the door and walked boldly in.

She was sitting at her desk, a strange and somewhat familiar red sword in front of her on the desk. Meredith rose as they filed in. Her eyes glittered madly and she frowned deeply as she glared at Cullen, her gaze shifting once to Anders.

“I see,” she said quietly.

“Andraste’s dimpled butt cheeks,” Varric said mildly. “We know who bought that damn Idol now.”

“It drove Bartrand crazy. No wonder she’s been getting worse,” Anders said softly.

“Cullen I’m disappointed,” Meredith said. “Conspiring with the enemy…falling under his influence…blood magic.”

“I’m here because I don’t like your methods. We are supposed to protect the mages in our charge, from themselves and others,” Cullen said. “Step down.”

“Never,” Meredith growled. “I will save them from their own stupidity.”

Anders was shoved to the side suddenly as she moved with inhuman speed. Cullen backed out the door with barely enough time to draw his sword and shield. Sebastian steadied him and they quickly followed Cullen and Meredith out the door. He blocked her furious blows and she drove him down the hallway. Determined, Anders began casting.

*

Fenris followed Hawke and Carver through the quiet empty hallways. Carver led them to a door in a hallway filled with them. Using a key, Carver unlocked the door in front of him. There was only a hint of sound as the well cared for tumblers moved. He paused with a hand on the door handle and looked back at them.

“I’ll go in first, silence him. Garrett you come in last,” Carver whispered.

Hawke nodded and moved slightly to let Fenris in front of him. Carver opened the door cautiously and moved into the room quickly. Fenris followed at his heels, his markings flaring to life. The room was small. The bed sat against the far wall, underneath a barred window. As his power was unleashed Carver kept moving forward and the sleeping elf woke with a startled cry.

Carver yanked Orsino out of the bed and onto the floor. With the point of his sword resting on Orsino’s chest, the mage looked fearfully up at him, ignoring Fenris. Hawke stood in the doorway unnoticed by Orsino until he tapped his staff on the stone floor. Fenris watched as the First Enchanter’s head swiveled from Carver’s murderous rage to Hawke’s quiet anger.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Orsino asked his voice calm but Fenris could see the fear in his eyes.

“You helped Quentin research necromancy,” Hawke said his anger barely held in check. “You’ve got one chance to explain yourself before Carver sends you to the void to meet up with him again.”

“I knew his research was dangerous…forbidden. I thought if we knew more about it…I swear I didn’t know he was killing those poor women,” Orsino said quietly.

“My mother was one of those poor women!” Carver hissed angrily. “Why did you help him?”

Bright red light flooded the room before he had a chance to answer. They all looked to the window as the light died. “What does this window look upon?” Fenris growled looking down at Orsino.

“The…the courtyard,” said Orsino. “What was that? What’s going on here?”

Carver and Fenris looked to Hawke. “We need to get down there,” Fenris said. “Anders and the others might be in trouble.”

“You’re coming with us,” Hawke said looking down at Orsino. “If you try to get away you’ll be dead before you can blink.”

Orsino stood quickly after Carver sheathed his sword. He was pushed out the door and they ran for the courtyard.

*

Anders watched Cullen fall to his knees after Meredith had flipped away from him. Rushing forward, he knelt beside the Templar and handed him a healing potion. She had continued to press Cullen until they’d ended up here in the courtyard. Anything Anders had cast at her had been as ineffectual as Varric’s bolts and Sebastian’s arrows. Anders had changed tactics, using beneficial spells on Cullen instead.

Cullen downed the potion and they both ignored her crazy ranting. “What is that thing?” Cullen asked trying to catch his breath.

“The lyrium idol we found in the Deep Roads,” Anders said before drinking one of his lyrium potions. “Varric’s brother kept a piece of it and it drove him mad. I think it’s corrupted somehow, Justice says it sounds wrong.”

Bright red light suddenly filled the night followed by a squealing sound. There was a grinding crash as Anders and Cullen both found their feet. Meredith appeared in front of them suddenly, her eyes glowed the same shade of red that filled the night moments ago. Anders scrambled backward as Cullen brought up his shield.

More grinding and crashing noises filled the air as Anders cast Haste on Cullen then looked around for the source of the noise. The two largest statues had begun moving on their own. Sebastian and Varric were concentrating on one of them. It was almost off of the raised platform it had stood on. The other was working its way across the courtyard toward the archers.

With one last look at Cullen, he was still holding Meredith at bay fairly well. He turned back to the ugly statue and began casting spells at it. Anders watched Cullen and Meredith while he tried to slow the progress of the statue. He also glanced at the archers, making sure they were still okay. With his attention divided as it was, he didn’t see Meredith break away from Cullen suddenly.

Anders noticed her flying towards him with just enough time to avoid the deadly swing of her sword. Her momentum sent his staff flying off one direction and him in another. He struck a pillar, rapping his head on the hard stone, and stood there dazed for a moment. Meredith cackled madly as she rushed at him again.

There was a familiar blue flash that coalesced into Fenris as he struck her. She stumbled straight into Cullen. Together they turned the tables on Meredith and began forcing her away from Anders. Hawke jogged up to him as he shook his head and held his staff out.

“You all right?” Hawke asked.

“Took you long enough,” said Anders irritably.

“Let’s get rid of that thing shall we?” said Hawke grinning.

“Never did like them,” Anders said pushing away from the pillar and taking his staff. He threw ice at the statue bearing down on Fenris, Cullen and Meredith. Hawke flung a large stone seconds after. Its leg froze then shattered as the stone struck it. Together they tore the statue apart piece by piece.

Anders checked on the others, casting a healing spell on Carver as the other statue batted him away. Hawke started off in that direction and Anders turned back to Meredith in time to see her flip away from Cullen and Fenris. The red light filled the air again followed immediately by a scream of frustration.

He watched Meredith grapple with someone on top of the platform she had landed on. Two horrifying screams followed a blast of energy that flung him to the ground. An eerie silence followed. Anders groggily got to his feet and saw the others doing the same.

“What happened?” Anders heard Varric ask as he turned to where Meredith had been.

Where she had stood there was now a creepy looking red statue. It vaguely resembled Meredith locked in a deadly embrace with whoever she’d been fighting with.

“It’s the First Enchanter,” Cullen said from next to the statue.

They all turned as Kirkwall city guardsmen flooded into the courtyard. Grand Cleric Elthina was the last to enter, flanked by Aveline on one side and Donnic on the other. Anders was suddenly very glad Hawke was going to have to deal with her. She looked ready to chew nails as she gazed around the ruined courtyard. The three of them stopped in front of Hawke. Carver, Sebastian and Varric stood in a group to his right. Anders stood to his left and was soon joined by Cullen and Fenris.

“Champion,” Elthina said sedately.

“Grand Cleric,” Hawke said politely.

“What has happened here?” she asked mildly looking around.

“I’ve taken it upon myself to get rid of another of Kirkwall’s problems,” said Hawke. He turned slightly pointing to the statue Meredith and Orsino had become. “Your Knight-Commander driven mad by her own fear and an idol I helped bring out of the Deep Roads. Your First Enchanter who knowingly supported the study of necromancy leading to the deaths of several innocent women, my mother among them. All I ask is that these two men be named their successors.” He turned and pointed to where Anders stood. Fenris took a step away from him and Cullen.

“Guard Captain, please escort everyone here to the Chantry. I wish to speak with them individually in my office.”


	15. Chapter 15

Fenris paced in front of the giant golden statue of Andraste. His turn in the Grand Cleric’s office had come and gone. Her questions to him had been the standard what, how and why. She had also spoken with Hawke, Varric, Sebastian and Carver. Hawke was currently on the level above being verbally abused by Aveline. Merrill had gone with them and her normally cheerful expression was stormy. Sebastian, Varric and Carver were on the level below him talking quietly.

Anders and Cullen were both currently in the Grand Cleric’s office and they had been in there a very long time. He had this space to himself and he was glad. His friends knew him well enough by now that they avoided him. Fenris was worried and irritable. The longer Anders spent in that woman’s office the more he worried he became.

Even though they had succeeded there was still a chance that Anders would be locked in the Gallows anyway. Even Hawke’s freedom wasn’t guaranteed. He had never cared one way or the other about Elthina. Sebastian adored her and Anders hated her. To Fenris she hadn’t seemed angry or even upset. She’d been slightly curious and maybe a bit disapproving.

There was nothing he could do but wait for her decision. So he paced and worried, touching the amulet Justice had given him every so often.

*

Anders was furious. It felt like he’d been here for hours, repeating himself over and over. The abuse, the madness, his reasons, what he’s been doing for the past five or six years. She sat there with that unreadable expression calmly interrogating him on things he’s told her at least twice. Elthina had insisted on seeing him and Cullen together but she hadn’t said a word to the Templar.

“What do you want from me?” Anders exclaimed his patience at its end. “I’ve explained everything over and over and still you sit there asking the same questions!”

“I would like you to answer my question,” she said calmly.

“I _have_ answered your bloody question!” Anders said standing suddenly. “Everyone else has answered your ridiculous questions and I know damn well you got the same answers!”

“Grand Cleric,” Cullen said calmly. “I see no point to this. The Champion surely explained his reasons for wanting this mage as First Enchanter.”

“He did,” Elthina said calmly. “And they are sound.”

“Why are you provoking him then?” asked Cullen a touch of irritation in his voice.

“You are possessed correct,” she said looking up at Anders and ignoring Cullen.

Anders sat in the chair and glared at her. He’d already answered this question as well. “If you’re trying to turn me into a full abomination it’s not going to work,” he said through clenched teeth. “Spirit possession is different than demonic possession.”

“You’ve killed a Tranquil Mage in this very building and a dedicated Templar in the Gallows,” Elthina said harshly. “Now you break into the Gallows again and both the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter are dead. It doesn’t seem like peace is what you want.”

“Have you ever been to Darktown?” Anders asked leaning forward. “Do you know how many of your own flock that I’ve saved when no one else would? Your Champion would have died if I hadn’t been there to seal up the hole the Arishok left in his gut. I helped Hawke with that crazy woman that was taking your recruits and implanting demons inside of them. I’m tired of being treated like I’m not human just because I’m a mage.” He stood and leaned over the desk. “I merged with Justice to change the way my people are treated. If you won’t help me do it the peaceful way the war I start will be on your head.”

Anders turned suddenly and took two quick strides to the door. He slammed it behind him without waiting for either of them to say anything. Ignoring everyone he made his way out of the Chantry, barely noticing when Fenris fell in step beside him. There were Templars but none of them tried to stop him. He hurried to Darktown, trying to control his anger.

After explaining what had happened to Fenris, who didn’t seem happy at his declaration, Anders went to their room still trying to calm down. He was glad Justice hadn’t even tried to push his way forward. The way he felt now it would have been impossible to stop. As it was the irritation and anger he felt was being amplified by the spirit. Fenris joined him after a short time.

Eventually the exhausting battle caught up with them and they fell asleep. It was well after sunrise when he woke and near noon before Cullen and Carver appeared at the clinic. Fenris watched them warily and Anders, his staff in hand, stood next to Fenris and waited.

“We need to work on your diplomacy,” Cullen said with a hint of a smile. “But it seems your outburst convinced Grand Cleric Elthina that your intentions are at least sincere. Our conditions have been agreed upon after much convincing. Gather your things. The Gallows is in need of its First Enchanter.”

“What about Hawke?” Fenris asked.

“He’s still free for the moment,” Cullen said.

Anders closed his eyes and let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. His freedom was forfeit but at least Hawke was still free. The Champion of Kirkwall was still the best example of the good an apostate could do. Anders didn’t know what he could accomplish as First Enchanter of the Gallows but it was a chance to make things better.

***

Anders sat at his desk, almost a week later. Cullen was still working on getting rid of the Templars that had a history of abusing the mages in their charge. Ser Thrask had been raised to Knight-Captain and both had told him that it would take a while. His first task had been distasteful. There had been rumors of blood mages among those in the Gallows. With Fenris’ help he had found three, a woman from Starkhaven named Grace among them. They were currently in the dungeons awaiting the Rite of Tranquility. Anders had fought that decision but Cullen had insisted, saying it showed them that blood magic would not be tolerated. In order to combat the sting of this he announced that having a relationship would be allowed and any children resulting would not be taken.

Fenris was allowed to come and go as he pleased. For the first few days he spent much of his time among the people repairing the courtyard. Anders hid in his office when he couldn’t stand all the clanking armor. At the end of the day they were always together though.

Varania had remained in quarantine until things had settled in the Gallows. She now sat across from him, glaring. Her abilities were average and she was scheduled to be harrowed within the next day. The Harrowing was something Anders planned on changing but for now the practice would have to stand. She had insisted on seeing him but so far she sat across from him, wearing the plain robes given to her after she had been released, and glared.

Anders smoothed the skirts of the robes he had been given and folded his hands together on top of the desk. “You wished to see me?” Anders said calmly.

“I wanted to see whoever was in charge,” she said angrily.

“I’m the First Enchanter,” he said. “If you wish to say something then out with it. I do have other things to do.”

“There’s been a mistake. You turned me in. You can’t be the one in charge.”

“Fenris turned you in,” Anders said leaning back in his chair. “Only fair considering you were going to give him up to that sadistic bastard. You should feel lucky your heat is still in your chest.”

“I do,” Varania said softly after a moment. “Brother Sebastian told me I should speak with Leto.”

“Fenris,” Anders corrected. “Leto is gone. He isn’t the same person you knew.”

“Why did he do it?” she asked fiercely.

“Contact you or turn you in?” Anders asked. “It doesn’t matter I suppose, the answer is the same either way. You’re his only connection to a past he barely remembers.”

“Could you…would you let me see him?” she asked hesitantly.

“When he’s ready, Fenris will seek you out,” Anders said gently. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“No,” Varania said shaking her head.

“Go get some rest, you’re going to need it,” he said.

She stood and turned toward the door, leaving without looking back. Anders frowned and hoped she would survive the Harrowing. He shook his head and leaned forward, sighing at the large stack of paperwork on his desk and began to go through it. The sunlight was fading when a knock sounded on the door of his office. Anders looked up to see Fenris, striding through.

“Come,” said Fenris with a smile. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Do I get a hint?” asked Anders as he stood. Fenris’ smile turned to a grin as he shook his head. Anders smiled as he gestured toward the door. “Anything’s better than all this damned paperwork.”

“Perhaps you should get an assistant,” Fenris said as he turned around and led him out the door.

“That’s a good idea,” Anders said following Fenris down the hall a short ways.

At the end of the hallway, Fenris gestured at the doors. “Through there,” said Fenris.

All there was through this door was an open area that was mostly used as a makeshift meeting spot. Anders glanced at Fenris then opened the door and took a few steps inside. A table sat in the middle of the open space with chairs around it. Standing behind the table were his friends. He looked back as Fenris closed the door behind him.

Anders turned and took another step forward. “What are you all doing here?” he asked in confused shock.

Varric held up a deck of cards. “Its card night Blondie,” he said sitting at the head of the table.

“It’s not the Hanged Man,” Hawke said sitting across from Varric.

Merrill sat to Hawke’s right as she said, “But since you can’t go there anymore we came to you.”

Sebastian and Aveline both sat and Anders was surprised that they were actually smiling. Fenris gently pushed him forward.

“Are you in?” Varric asked as he shuffled the cards.

“Absolutely!” Anders said grinning. He turned and kissed Fenris before sitting.

*

Cullen stood outside the door, listening to them. After hearing his laughter, Cullen smiled and strolled down the hallway to his office.


End file.
